Matters of the Heart

Im 22 years old and I have been employed for three weeks as an intern accountant. My seniors seem to take advantage of me most of the times. They toss me around getting me to do all the donkey work in the office which includes calling all of the clients considered stubborn and bad debts, running out to buy them lunch and covering some of their assignments from our bosses.

Im here to learn and I expected to be doing stuff with the help of an experienced senior but it all appears they are celebrating the arrival of their sidekick. What can I do really? – Door-mat

Dear Door-mat

Besides being sent out to buy their lunch, I would take advantage of everything they are assigning me to gain experience in your trade if I were you.

Im sure you are aware of the statement being cruel in order to be kind. I dont know if they are doing it intentionally in order to be kind or it is just in their nature to overload a student with all the work of the office. But I do know that if you dance to their tunes it will all build you to be a strong accountant in future.

They will never know that you feel this way about them sending you for their food unless you tell them. I believe it is wrong – especially when you feel taken advantage of and abused. You could, of course, do it voluntarily and willingly; I used to go out and buy my boss his food every lunch hour when I was an intern reporter. I felt after all his efforts to help shape my future in this trade, that was the little favour I was going to thank him with.

But they need to appreciate that what you are doing for them. Buying them lunch is a favour and not part of your job. If they dont understand that then you need to find a way of making things clear with them in a way that will not leave them feeling challenged because that will not lead to anything good for you as someone who needs their knowledge. – Gracey

We dont need a man

Dear Gracey

Im a girl aged 15. My father passed away seven years ago, Im the first born and we are just two in our family. My brother is five years old and my mother is now 36. For the past seven years we have managed to live as a family just the three of us. But the problem now is that my mother is seeing someone who we are suppose to call uncle.

I just dont like the guy, he is nothing like my father and I know he will never love us like our real father did. I fear he may abuse us with the kind of stories I hear about step fathers and step mothers. How can I convince my mother that we dont need that man in our family? – Kid

Hey Kiddo

If your mother is a responsible parent who loves both you and your brother. You just have to trust her in this. I believe she knows what is best for you more than you know. Mostly it is not what you want, but what is healthy for her.

Its been seven years since your Dad died. Im sorry about that but you all have to move on. Moving on includes your mother seeing other men whom she might marry and make part of your lives. When she does this it doesnt mean she has forgotten all about your father or that she is disrespecting him wherever he is.

If she is not emotionally strong enough to move on alone and prepare to die a widow, then it is best she continue with the path she has chosen. I know you love your mother so much and the best gift of love you can give her at this moment is support her by accepting his man into your lives. Its unfair to compare him with your real Dad, though I know it is sometimes inevitable.

Your uncle needs to respect the fact that you are part of your mothers life and accept your mother as one single mother responsible of her children then you just need to do your part of giving the man a chance to give you the fatherly love I know you have been missing for the past seven years. Memories of your father are sweet and no one should ask you to throw them away but Im advising you move on with them.

Feel free to communicate with your mother on anything, let her know what you think of her decisions and she will be ready to explain and make you understand every step you will take as a family in this life. Just because there is a new man in your mothers life does not mean the bond and love you shared with your mother will disappear.

Your mother is mature enough to make wise decisions considering both of you. If ever there should be any issue of abuse, feel free to tell your mother when it happens. But all the abuse stories you hear have become stereotypes some women and men have proved wrong. I know of step mothers and fathers who have cared and loved their step-children like their own. Your uncle may be one of them, so give him a chance. – Gracey.

He married another!

Dear Gracey

I dont know if you still remember me. I phoned last year complaining about my boyfriend who was giving me pressure to sleep with him as a way of proving my love. Your advice to me was that I should be frank with him that Im not yet ready for it and will only be involved when the time is right for me.

I was a final year student at a local college then, but now Im all alone and wondering if I will find a guy to marry. My boyfriend impregnated a college student (my former classmate) with whom he eloped and later married. Im beginning to think maybe if I had agreed to it then I will be married to him right now. Do you think you would give the same advice to me if everything was reversible? – Lonely graduate

Dear Lonely graduate

My advice in this column is certainly not the ultimate solution to any matter of the heart always. But in your case, what I told you would be the same advice any respectable person would give you if everything was reversible.

Im just disappointed you regret not forcing yourself into a sexual relationship with a man who seems to have married your former classmate just to make you jealous. You have managed to complete your studies without any distractions that probably prevented your former mate to graduate.

Marriage is not something anyone should rush into just because of a stubborn fear of insecurity and missing what others consider a lifetime opportunity. I believe in some things as meant to be. Marriage should come at a time when you feel you are ready for it and not because you are afraid what the future will look like if you let that offer pass.

I dont see any reason why you should start mourning losing that man as if he is the only loving man in this world. If you dont let go soon you will risk being made a small house and you cannot be that desperate. – Gracey