Robert began his two-hour speech with the ritualistic abuse of long retired Western leaders, Bush and Blair, to whom he referred as ‘democratically filthy’, before adding that ‘their jails were filled with black people’. Robert then proved incorrect the saying ‘age ain’t nothing but a number’. At his age, everything becomes muddled. Somewhere in his address, the President, clinging to the podium for support, took aim at Marian Chombo, the ex-wife of blonde-haired minister of local government, which in our opinion only added to the momentum of Mrs Chombo’s election campaign. She must be a serious threat, if Bob is figuratively drawing moustaches and devil horns on the photos of her campaign posters.
Slip of the tongue
The veteran statesman, stressing that the enemies of Zimbabwe were not welcome to observe her elections, mixed up the African Union with the European Union. ‘We say no to the countries of the African Union. Ah, what did I say? I meant EU’. My grandfather had the same problem at that age. He smelled of snuff and smoke from the log fire and he got the names of his grandchildren mixed up. Perhaps it is time we gave our old war hero a chipako of snuff and a pile of firewood.
The rented audience, tired of the same old speeches, this time walked out. Webster Shamu – you may know him for appearing in a Bob-worship urban groovers’ song (Zvirisei sei) – pleaded with the supporters (or hostages) not to leave. But it didn’t help. They kept walking.
Despite threatening only yesterday to pull out of SADC, Robert Mugabe received an invite to the 50th birthday bash of Lesotho’s King Letsie III and accepted. When Robert was given the opportunity to speak, the world shrunk, readying itself for more madness. But shock, horror, he spoke of his commitment to work with SADC and assured the guests that preparations for the July 31 polls were running smoothly.
Not so special vote
The special vote ended with scores of cops having failed to cast their vote. Tendai Biti of the MDC expressed dissatisfaction over the fact that ZEC were bullied by elements he believed to be part of the Junta. Apart from what looked like deliberate delays in delivering ballot papers, the vote stretched beyond the agreed time of 48 hours. According to the Electoral Act, any person given the chance to vote on the special vote is struck off the normal voters’ roll so the many officers that failed to mark their X will not be permitted to vote on July 31. Biti has written to ZEC and awaits their response.
The reason of course for messing up the process of the special vote was to enable one side to fiddle with the ballots. Unsure of how the cops would vote, certain elements decided to block them from voting, meaning that pre-marked ballots could then be stuffed into the ballot box and nobody would be any the wiser. The President of course showed how much of a hands-on leader he is by saying he only read about illegality of extending the special vote in the press. One would expect that he should know the correct legal position, rather than depend on the speculation he read in the newspapers.
Meanwhile, Biti has expressed displeasure at Mugabe’s appointment of new judges. The finance minister has a point. At this stage, all those in office are merely caretakers, whose only role should be that of house-sitters and the appointment of new judges amounts to a house-sitter knocking down walls.
Speaking of the judiciary, a court has ordered the return of the MDC motorcycles confiscated by the police, whom we all know were acting on behalf of forces higher up the food chain. The entire thing was meant to scupper the election campaign of the MDC. Whether this trickery has worked will become evident after August 2.
Lunacy at its peak
This week, lunacy is at its peak. A crowd 2,000 strong is squatting on a farm near Koala Abbatoir flanking the Harare-Chitungwiza Road. These are neither ex-freedom fighters nor mujibhas, but men and women who believe they contributed to the liberation war and are demanding Mugabe’s audience, as well as compensation. Aluta continua comrades. Or, rather, a-looting continua. When will this end? We all fought the war. Our chickens were slaughtered to feed the comrades. Our sisters sang and danced in the hills to keep the morale of the guerrillas at its stiffest. Should we also demand compensation? Go home, all of you! The state ATM is closed.
Looting continues
The looting continues, as one newspaper reports that several spouses and children of Zanu (PF) veterans have thrown their gilded hats into the political ring, ahead of the July 31 poll. The notable names are Constance Tsomondo, wife of Webster Shamu, Nimrod Chiminya, brother of Ignatius Chombo, Auxilia Mnangagwa, wife of Emmerson and the children of the late Simon Muzenda – Tsitsi and Tongai.
Cabinet appointed Tendai Biti and Patrick Chinamasa to source funds for the polls, which require about $90 million. Several foreign donors have offered to assist but apparently legal affairs minister, Chinamasa, has done his best to throw a devious spanner into the works, refusing a cool $60 million on offer. Zanu (PF) is concerned that money from Western donors comes with preconditions. As far as we know, the only precondition is permission for them to observe the election.
How and why Zanu (PF) should be worried about foreign observers boggles the mind. Obama and his friends will not vote. All they want to do is watch. If somebody offered me $60 million, heck, make that $60, just to observe me in my natural habitat, I would rip off their arm! There is an old Shona proverb that best describes this. Kuvhunduka chati kwatara hunge une katurikwa. The guilty are afraid.
ZRP corruption
Transparency International Zimbabwe has published its report on the most corrupt organisations in the country. Topping the list is (drum roll)… our own defenders of the law, the ZRP. Quite frighteningly, even the judiciary system is on the list of bribe takers, along with education and health authorities. Several eyebrows are cocked, seeing the omission of the Vehicle Inspection Department, to whom the majority of new drivers pay for provisional and drivers’ permits.
Newly re-elected president of the Chief’s Council, Chief Fortune Charumbira, has spoken out against politicians buying votes with goodies. Well done changamire Charumbira. Now that you are installed in the electrified rural mansion with running water and a Mazda pickup, courtesy of Gideon’s inexhaustible coffers, you can point guilty fingers at vote buyers. In the words of Robert to Marian Chombo, tibvire apa. Till next week, my pen is capped. – Jerà
Post published in: News