I am a woman aged 24. I eloped with a 30 year old man who was previously married with three kids. I suffered a miscarriage after he beat me up last month. Now he is forcing me to take family planning pills because he says he does not need kids in this relationship. His reason is that he already has kids and he will not be able to take care and raise many. He has scheduled a doctor’s appointment for a family planning method that will make sure “I don’t ever get pregnant” because he is saying l may forget taking the pills. I love him so much but sometimes I question why I am in this marriage if I can’t I have kids. I need your opinion please to help me make a good decision about our future. – Lady Lee
Dear Lady Lee
I do not think this man loves you as much as you love him. I am shocked he beat you up while you were pregnant, and as a result you lost the baby. That is totally unacceptable. It seems cruel to say that seemed his intention in beating you, but his actions afterwards appear to say it all. The decision not to have children should be made by both partners in a relationship. It seems you are not given room to discuss anything in this relationship and that is so bad. The biggest reason people marry is that they are in love and want to start a family together. But your man believes he has it all. He does not consider what you want and that makes a bad relationship.
You say you love him but sometimes we have to be cruel to our hearts and go against them. I am not a believer of “always follow your heart” doctrine. There are times our minds have to take the veto power and be cruel in order to be kind to our hearts.
You need to make a decision that will be good for your future regardless of how you feel about him. If he forces you into family planning to stop you conceiving, your dreams are shattered and you will live a life of following his dreams. Ask yourself if that is what you want.
You need to sit down with your man and let him know how you feel about the whole issue of having children. Let him know how much it means having your own kid and see if there can be any compromise. Your needs are also important in a marriage. He should not dictate things to you. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle