Communication in marriage

john_makumbeHusbands and wives should be best friends. If your husband or wife is not your best friend then you two have a lot of work to do to keep your marriage intact and happy. Friends share all experiences, that is, the joy, the pain, the fears, the small and the great things.

Nothing is too small and nothing is too big to share with your best friend. Husbands and wives should be able to be themselves all the time they are together naked and not ashamed. All this is only possible if communication between the two is clear, smooth and genuine. Excellent communication between married people removes suspicion, it prevents wrong actions, misinterpretation and uninformed decision making.

Communication takes place in two main ways, viz: verbal and non-verbal. Verbal communication simply means that the two will talk with each other. They will talk about everything whether painful or enjoyable, the two must talk. For couples to fully understand each other, they must talk. Women are better than men in communication.

Women will readily tell their husbands I love you, but most men will find it difficult to say the same statement to their wives. Men reason that she must know that I love her; that is why I married her. That is why I am here with her. That is why I (sometimes) buy her nice things. Well, this is not adequate expression of love you men. You still have to utter those powerful words to your loved wife on a daily basis, or several times each day. Are you too busy to love your wife?

In verbal communication, we should watch out for tone of voice. The tone can distort the message somewhat and the spouse may end up misunderstanding what the other spouse is saying or trying to communicate. Shouting at your spouse is a big No, No, whatever will have happened.

Apportioning blame is also a marriage killer and should be avoided at all times. It is critical to treat all mistakes as our mistake rather than his mistake or her mistake. Further, it is important to always speak the truth in love. Yes, mistakes need to be corrected, but this must be done in love, otherwise the marriage will not be a happy one.

Non-verbal communication can be expressed in various ways. Sometimes there will be hidden anger which simply shows up as a facial expression, a frown or a nasty smile, loaded with pugnacity. It can also be expressed by the spouse throwing themselves in work, reading a newspaper or watching television. This will be anything to avoid the other spouse.

Running away is non-verbal communication, and so is the rattling of dishes and the banging of the doors for no apparent reason. In extreme cases, the children can get a raw deal from one of the spouses even though the problem is not caused by them. Then there is the marriage killer that we call the silent treatment. The spouse simply shuts up and will not say a word even though both partners know that there is a problem between them. The silent treatment is to be avoided at all costs because it closes the other partners spirit without giving them an opportunity to explain themselves.

You need to remember that your mouth was never meant for the poison of bitterness. It was meant for love and laughter, singing and rejoicing. It is wonderful to sometimes sing for your spouse when the two of you are alone. Try it and see what will happen. You do not need to devise or write some strange song; sing what he or she knows but tell them you are singing for them because you love them. Communicate and save your marriage.

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