Last Sunday we discussed four essentials of marriage. In this contribution, JOHN & VIRGINIA MAKUMBE discuss the mystery of marriage and how hard work is necessary to make a loving, harmonious home.
Marriage is a mystery, a union of two people who are not related, but can live together in loving harmony. It was designed by God, and He provided the manual for it to work well. In every marriage, the family backgrounds of the two spouses are not perfect; therefore problems are likely to arise due to imperfect upbringings. The way one was treated by their parents, the school and society at large, is transferred into ones marriage. It is therefore essential to engage in serious fact-finding before one commits oneself into marriage. Family background is crucial to a marriage.
For example, a woman who grew up without a father may seek male parental love from her spouse when the husband expects her to be an equal partner. The reverse is true for husbands who were not brought up by their own mothers. It is therefore critical to know each others backgrounds in order to ensure that specific needs are met, or at least, to enable the spouses to understand each other better. It is now generally accepted that whereas women need to be loved by their spouses, men need to be praised by theirs. Husbands need to continually devise ways of showing love to their wives, including assisting them with household chores.
Some men think that it is below their dignity to sweep the floor or clean the dishes, or cook a meal when their wives are present. I personally cook my family a meal once every week, and the family appreciates my cooking. I hope they do. I dont think they just complement me out of courtesy. I am not a bad cook. Wives need to devise ways and means of heaping praises on their husbands. A wife who does not frequently praise her husband runs the risk that the man may go out of the house in search of that praise. Some smart secretary at work who is constantly calling the husband Sir, Doc, Prof, is likely to be found quite attractive to the husband in the long run. Before you know it, the guy begins to spend more time at work instead of coming home before dark as before.
No individual is born a husband or a wife. We are all born as children. When we get married we have the obligation to learn how to become good husbands and wives. It is incumbent upon us to work towards making our marriages enjoyable and sustainable. If we stop working out our marriage we degenerate into miserable couples that are actively spying on and suspicious of each other. Working on our marriages means that we need to be frank with each other in all that we say. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed. In our marriages, we need to hide nothing from each other. There should be nothing between us as a couple that makes us ashamed of each other. Our lives as husband and wife should be one where we share everything without hiding from each other.
Both husband and wife desire to be recognized as special by their spouses. It is critical that your spouse should know that you hold him/her with a deep sense of appreciation. Recognize that this individual is not at all like all the other people in the world. This person I am married to is very special, unique and in a class of his/her own. Even more importantly, ensure that your spouse is aware that you regard him/her as that. It is no use just to know that yourself without communicating the same to your spouse. Working on our marriages is investment, and the dividends are great. – Contact us at: makumbe60@gmail.com
Post published in: Opinions