Matters of Heart

grace_chirumanzuDear Gracey

Im a girl aged 18. My parents have just separated, and Im afraid they may want to divorce. I dont know why they are being so selfish and not .....


considering how all this is affecting me, when we lived together they always fought and it affected me at school. I dont want to have a step father; all I want is seeing us happy together. What should I do to make them realise we are better off living together.

Yolanda

Dearest Yolanda

First, I just want you to remember that you are not the reason why your parents are having problems or are on separation and also do not forget that the fact that mom and daddy might have fallen out of love with each other does not mean that they no longer love you.

Another thing, separation does not always lead to divorce. According to you, your parents used to fight all the time they lived together and believe you me living apart from each or separation might help them realise just how much they need each other.

It could help them reconnect to that first love that brought them together and realise that is something worth all the sacrifice required to keep it alive.

On your part, the most you can do is to keep showing love to your parents because you are the strongest link/bond between them at the moment — that special thing that came out of their relationship.

But if ever mom and daddy do fail to work it out, then be rest assured that stepfathers are not always bad guys. Other kids stay with stepfathers or foster parents who shower them with so much love that one can hardly tell they are not biologically related.

God has a reason for whatever he causes to happen in our lives, in everything that has happened and that shall unfold between your mum and dad, the Almighty will plan what is best for you. Like I said before, your parents may not love each other anymore but they do and will always love you. They are adults and I suggest all you can do is pray for them.

Gracey

Hie Gracey

My boyfriend and I have been in love for almost three months now. I have just turned 21 and because of my big body I have always been approached by older men. He is 28 and he has been asking me to sleep with him for a month now. Im still a virgin and I dont think Im ready for the kind of relationship he wants from me. Im a University student and sometimes I feel like Im being so backward when some of my friends talk of intimate relationships with their boyfriends and being a virgin seems like a thing for the nerds. My boyfriend has been supporting me financially with lunch monies and Im afraid if I keep saying No to him he will dump me, what do I do?

Ashamed Virgin

Dearest Ashamed Virgin

Girlfriend Im so proud of you. One thing you should do before even finishing reading this is telling yourself you are a proud virgin. You have no reason to be ashamed.

You will need nothing distracting you from your studies and if you ask me I will tell you that you are one focused young woman.

Follow your instincts. You feel you are not ready for that kind of relationship with him and that is what you need to trust. Talk to your boyfriend, explain to him that you need to concentrate on your studies and that you are not ready to take your relationship to that level. If he really loves you, he will be willing to wait until the right time for you. Dont worry yourself if he decides to leave you for saying no, it will then tell you that he loves you for other reasons probably to steal your pride and walk away leaving you heartbroken and miserable.

What your friends believe in should not make you feel bad. You have your own principles and you should stick to them. Dont live your life to please other people but do what your heart tells you. Remember to stay proud.

Gracey

My sister

I am caught in between the people I love. Im in love with a white lady and we have been dating for almost a year. My parents will not approve of her, they are too conservative and they are threatening to disown me if I marry her. I love her so much yet I also love my parents so much, I dont want to lose them. I just want to you to put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you would do? Do you think Im crazy for loving a white woman?

Brighton

Dearest Brighton

One thing I know about love is that, it knows no race or colour. You are not crazy for falling in love with a white woman.

Yes, you need to keep in good books with your parents, but at the same time you need to stick with the woman you love. If talking and explaining to your parents how you truly love her is not helping, then you might need to give them more time to come to terms with the fact that their son whom they would hate to lose despite the threats to disown you is in love with a white woman.

You cannot blame your mother for wishing for a black woman as her daughter-in-law because as a black Zimbabwean woman she looks forward to having a daughter-in-law who will be helping her with household chores. Your girlfriend might not be able cope with the hard work that indigenous cultures and traditions demand of daughters-in-law.

Neither can you blame your father for wishing for and expecting a daughter-in-law who, as culture and tradition prescribes, will kneel before him with water to drink and who will call your father by his totem and not by his first name.

But the most important thing your parents need to understand is that you are not going to marry solely in order to please them. Whoever you decide to marry is going to be your wife to share the rest of your life with. She is not going to be your parents wife!

If you can convince them of your love for her then you will overcome all the criticism, the cold shoulders, the gossip your friends and some of your relatives may have in store for both of you.

It is also important that you also explain to her that she will need to be strong and fight for what you both believe in. It will be unfair for her not to know what your parents and probably other close relatives think of her and your relationship.

She would have to know in order that she may be able to anticipate and circumnavigate all the hurdles that others might choose to place in the way to test or hinder your relationship.

Gracey

Dearest reader

You are young and you have something eating up your heart, a problem that seems so big and almost crushing you into pieces? You feel so shy to talk to your peers or family?

It is certainly true what they say, a problem shared is a problem half solved. The Zimbabwean gives you a listening ear to all your problems that is eating you up. Through this column MATTERS OF THE HEART, we will provide you with relevant advice to your problems.

We dedicate this column to our readers to assist you with legal advice, health tips and helpful advice on any issue that troubles you. A publication of your questions will be made, granting anonymity upon request, together with a follow up of the advice on the subject matter every week.

Send an email to [email protected], text a message to +263912492527 +263912492527 and we will be glad to give you a listening ear to your problem.

Gracey

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