Matters of the Heart

I don’t go to work either so my chances of interacting with men are zero. I only meet guys at church but none of them are my type. I don’t go out anymore because the party scene is not my thing. I am very assertive and upfront so I think men tend to read that the wrong way. I am not interested in being someone’s small house! I don’t know what to do anymore because there seems to be no fish in the sea for me right now.

Tariona

Hi sister.

I’m a girl aged 17 and I have never dated anyone before. The problem is that all the guys who have asked me out are not really my type. Most of them smoke mbanje (marijuana). But there is this guy who is always calling me. He seems so nice yet he is a stranger, I dont know him. What should l do? Please help.

Anonymous

Dear sisters

I have noticed Tariona you already realise that staying at home and never interacting with people will limit your chances of meeting the right man to date or start a relationship with.

True, but I dont think both of your real problems are about not having men in your lives. It seems to me the root of your problem is that you are bored.

You need to be outgoing and socialise. The moment you start having fun even with your girlfriends you will realise that being single is not a problem to be worried about.

At 17 or 21 you need to be having fun and that does not mean you need a man for that. Neither should you misunderstand me to be saying you will live a life devoid of happiness with men. But when the right man comes, let him not find you in a miserable state for you have every reason to celebrate your life.

During socialising you will meet different men who will ask you out for a date. And when they do my advice to you is that dont say yes because you fear he may be the only man to ask you out nothing ruins a date faster than misread signals- before accepting an invitation you should honestly examine whether you are genuinely attracted to this person. There is no reason in dating a man you think is not your type.

You need to know that there is a perfect time for everything. Presenting yourself as one desperate young women will invite more confident guys who even if they are not your type they may leave you thinking maybe your type dont exist.

As for your character Tariona, there is certainly nothing wrong in a women being self-confident and honest, you will find men who will love that about you.

To the other sister, dating is all about knowing the other person better. It is no guarantee that a relationship follows. So if this stranger sounds nice there may not be any harm in dating him and see how it goes.

Gracey

Dear Gracey

Im a girl aged 22 and my mum passed away. I have a half sister and two half brothers. Among these three two are twins with their own father but they dont know him. The problem is that they need my help to find their father. My sister promises to commit suicide if she doesnt find him. My other problem is that my boyfriend of three years just doesnt understand. I feel that if he is not the one then there wont be anyone right for me; it will be better if I just die single. Please help me on these issues.

Tabby

My Dear Tabby

Your sister needs to be faithful and know that the best solution to ending problems is not by committing suicide. Neither can we escape difficulties and challenges by hiding away from them nor pretending they dont exist. The moment we come out of the hiding we always find them waiting for us and when we forget to pretend -as is always the case with pretence- they will remind us they are still a stumbling block in your lives.

She needs to understand that in life each and every one of us face challenges or problems. Sometimes they are very big we may think it is the end of the world but then with the right attitude and the courage to face them we find ourselves smiling and equipped with valuable lessons learnt from dealing with them.

Your sister needs to stay faithful and pray for Gods guidance in whatever problem she stands to fight against. We will assist in finding your father through our publication.

On the issue of your boyfriend, you did not mention what it is he doesnt understand. If Im to assume that he is failing to understand the responsibilities you are taking with your brothers and sister there is certainly no need for you to feel that he is not the one.

You have been dating for three years as you say and that means you have stood the test of time as a young couple. You need to sit down with him and explain to him all your problems. If he fails to understand Im sure that will not qualify him as a totally bad person. It may be one of his weaknesses there are times we need to know the weakest links in the character of our friends, relatives and loved ones to be able to coexist well with them without unnecessary clashes.

When people find their soul mates it is not that they find each other perfect. Believe me even Princess Diana, Mother Theresa or the idolised Oprah Winfrey has her own weaknesses.

It is how you learn to accept and live with your boyfriends weaknesses that make him your Mr Right. But when eventually his weaknesses outweigh his strengths I wont encourage you to stay stuck with him all in the name of love. And there is certainly no need for you to give up on love or die single just because one man has failed as your Mr Right. He is certainly not an epitome of all men out there.

Gracey.

*Please kindly help us find MUCHAFARA MARECHA whose children need a family reunion. Contact Gracey on: 0912 492 527 with any information of his whereabouts.