What should I do?
Anonymous
Dear sister
I am not sure whether I should call you a fool or a deeply committed woman to be sticking around with all this abuse. I do not have your husbands version of events but if he beats his woman then that is wrong.
Violence is always unacceptable, especially violence against a pregnant woman. From time immemorial our people (and I would assume other societies as well) have always regarded pregnant women as delicate goods to be handled with extreme care especially by men whether they are the womans husband or not. By beating you in your pregnancy, this husband of yours is letting down all men.
You do not say whether your miscarriage was because of the beatings by hubby but if it was, then you should have left him in 2009. Period.
Then you say they guy is having extramarital affairs in this day and age of HIV and AIDS! He is simply exposing his own life, yours and that of your unborn child to danger.
And he doesnt want you on the pill: so does he want you to fill up the whole earth with children and potential refugees?
You must act YESTERDAY my sister to put a stop to this abuse. Get the family elders to talk sense into this guys head. If that fails, approach professional counsellors for help and if that fails again then leave him as fast as you can!
In the meantime, while you look for help to fix this mess just remember to use condoms with him because you will never know what he might bring from his forays away from the marital bed.
Gracey
Hi sister
Im a guy aged 22, I have no problems initiating or getting into love relationships with women but my problem is once I have won the woman over I do not know how to keep the relationship going. I find it hard to make conversation with my girlfriend so much that there are times when it can take me up to 10 minutes before I am able to utter a single word to my woman and the girls simply end up dumping me.
I have so far dated nine girls and the same thing has happened over and over again, what can I do to keep my women happy and interested in me? Im so shy.
Anonymous
Hey brother
I dont want to believe that the girls you date could be that difficult to handle or please (no pun intended). What I suspect is that you probably get into relationships with people who are either total strangers to you, or who you know little about or may be people with whom you share little in common.
This is not to suggest that strangers cannot fall in love or that people must know each well in advance in order to have a successful relationship no at all! There are many cases where total strangers have fallen in love at first sight, went on to marry each other and stay together until they were separated only by death.
But for a guy who describes himself as shy it would do you a lot of good if you try to start by establishing a friendship with the woman of your dreams. Use the friendship to get to know her better, understand her strengths and frailties and let her know you too.
See what areas of interest you two commonly share. But in doing all this be careful not to come out as a sly and manipulative character who is SPYING on the woman so as to waylay her later! She will hate you the moment she suspects you have a hidden agenda.
The reason of building the friendship is to get closer to her in a relationship that will always have hints of something more serious but is innocent, relaxed and easy. In fact, if you play your cards well and depending on whether the woman actually fancied you in the first place, you two could find your friendship blossoming into a full romantic relationship without both of you realising how.
But even if you still have to declare your feelings to the woman you will find that it might still have its complications especially in the initial stages as you try to raise a relationship of friendship into a love affair.
However, it would be a lot easier to handle the situation because you are dealing with someone you know very well. Because you are dealing with someone you are friends with it will help to avoid situations where you suddenly find yourself tongue tied in the presence of your precious lady. There are simply so many things two friends can talk about, matters romantic included.
Another thing, do not put yourself under pressure to overcome your shyness. Thats what your are, all you can do is come to terms with that part of your character and learn to manage it so that it does not stand in the way of your dealings with other people be they girlfriend or not.
Be patient with yourself and keep working on your relationship with your lady. Eventually the shyness will subside into the background and in the end you will find that even though you may remain shy when it comes to other women you will grow to become comfortable with your one and only one.
Go try it and good luck!
Gracey
Post published in: Opinions