Dear GraceyI get attracted to a guy and everything seems so right, the feeling is just so nice when he starts showing that he is also interested in me but the whole feeling changes the moment we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It seems Im enjoying the moment we admire each other more than the real relationship. Is it a problem I should be worried about? If so how can I get rid of it?
Brenda
Hey Brenda
Are you sure you really loved these guys before you dumped them or you were simply infatuated with them? Usually a romantic relationship based on true love takes time to build and is not that easy to end. It is not like instant coffee that you can brew in one minute and before you know it you are done with it.
The frequency of your relationships three man in four months or a different man after every five weeks seems to suggest you may never have really loved these guys in the true or deeper sense of the word.
You may have liked the guys, felt attracted to them, could not stop yourself thinking about them and was convinced you were hopelessly in love — but in reality this was nothing but that old troublesome demon called infatuation. There are many ways to describe infatuation but one dictionary defines it thus: a great obsession and often TEMPORARY (and I would add foolish) passion for somebody or something.
At 22 years, I agree that it might not always be that easy for you to tell the difference between true and lasting love and this little foolish love called infatuation that leads to nowhere. But the trick sis is to never rush with these things.
The next time you bump into another Mr Handsome and you think you love him or he thinks he loves you please do not be quick with your yes. Take time to know the guy, let the initial dizzying delight of meeting the guy cool down first before you can decide either way.
Do not push the guy away or unnecessarily play Miss Too-hard-to-Catch because that could drive him away. But never, never open the gates to your heart (I presume they are kept locked) for him so easily.
Take time to study the guy, go out on dates with him and spend time together. Use the opportunity to know the man before you commit your heart to him. He will have his weakness as well as strengths. Be clear about these and know what you are settling for before you do.
I guess, all I am trying to say is that the idea of love at first sight exists mainly in the movies. In real life, it is a whole different ball game. You need to know, understand and accept the object of your love before you commit yourself.
If you really try doing this, you will soon discover that it is not that easy to fall in love with people and even more difficult cutting the ties once your have committed yourself.
Gracey
My sister
Im a 25-year-old man and I have a girl who loves me so much, she is always talking so highly of me in the presence of my friends. It was going to be so sweet if I felt the same for her. My problem is I love her friend instead. But the friend does not even seem interested in me at all. What do I do nhai?
Ronald
My dear brother
First, be honest with yourself that you truly love the second lady and do not merely lust after her because it would be so stupid to destroy the two ladies friendship all because you cannot control your lust.
Once you are clear on that one, the next thing to is to be honest with the first lady who you say loves you so much but you do not love her. Be clear to her without necessarily being rude, mean or unkind that you appreciate her as a woman and value her attention but you feel that you two must remain good friends because you are not ready for any relationship stronger than that.
You could say this to her directly or you could find other ways of getting the message across. But remember, true gentlemen will go out of their way to protect the dignity of a woman.
Then, obviously, the next move is to approach the second lady who your heart is after and declare your love for her the best way you know how. And hopefully she feels the same towards you because I am sure you really wouldnt want to be the one to lend credence to the old saying that: we tend to love the people who dont love us while ignoring those with undying love for us.
Gracey
Post published in: Opinions
I don’t understand how this new love thing works now a days because when I met my husband we dated for months before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We dated for almost 3 years before we were married at age 26. I think we both was very specific in what we looked for in each other. First of all, what kind of guy are you looking for? What qualities should he have? You can tell early in a conversation if a guy has what you are looking for, and if he doesn’t don’t waste your time or his time. On the other hand, you have to have realistic expectations as well. I think that some young ladies today may be putting to much focus on the outward appearance of a guy instead of knowing who he is as a man. Getting to know the heart of a man is the true man because the heart tells the truth. What are his beliefs, values, thoughts, and dreams in life? Does he have character & integrity? Is he trustworthy, honesty, dependable, kind, gentle? This list goes on and on. It’s the man inside you want to fall in love with.