Matters of the heart

Hi Gracey
I will be the first to admit that my boyfriend is not exactly the best-looking man around. In fact, people say he is probably the ugliest man on earth.

But I am sure you will agree with me that it is not the physical appearance that we should fall in love with but the beauty of the heart. He is so loving and kind. He has all the qualities that I would wish my future husband to have. I am 22 and he is 26. We have been dating for three months now and he has shown commitment to me. But my problem is that his looks do not appeal to most people close to me.

My best friends know him from college but they dont know that we are dating and there are times it feels awkward when they call him names in my presence. How am I supposed to introduce him to them then? My sister is married to a former model, he is such a hunk and he is handsome. I will be heartbroken if she teases my man in any way. I dont know how I should introduce him to her. I love him and I know he deserves to be loved. Please help.


Dearest Amanda

Im proud of you for not making the mistake that many a sister has made: that is placing fickle beauty above the inner man. Good looks are important but they not all that make man. You say your man is, to use a tired clich, what the doctor ordered for you and I say to you, stick with him.

Put more effort into nurturing your relationship with your man and pay no attention to what friends, sister or anybody else has to say about how he looks. He is your man, not theirs. Period. The point is that the desirable situation is that our friends and family like our boyfriends or girlfriends. But it is not a requirement for a happy and successful relationship. Choosing a boyfriend or girlfriend, let alone a future husband or wife, is something that the individual concerned must do – and do alone!

As for introducing your man to your sister, friends or anybody else, it should not be a problem because all you need to ensure your friends and sister understand is that the man is what your heart desires. He makes you happy, he means so much to you. In him, you see the kind of man you would wish to spend the rest of your life with. I bet if they are a true friend or a good sister, then they will have no option but to respect your decision. But if they do not, then nothing much can be done about it. They will just have to learn to live with the fact that you love this guy.


My sister

Im a 26-year-old man who has just suffered his first heartbreak. I have dated this woman for five years and I loved her so much; in fact, I think I still do love her. The most heartbreaking thing is that she cheated on me. She has been for the past three months dating a Nigerian businessman who is based here in Zimbabwe.

At first, I heard of their affair through rumour but I could not believe it, until the day I caught them in a compromising position. Please dont ask for the details, you dont want to know. Honestly, I had always thought that those who talk about heartbreaks do exaggerate the experience, but now I know the truth. It hurts more than words can say.

A part of me died when I found out the truth. But a part of the living half of me still loves her and wants her back. This is despite the fact that I am so mad at her and I am certain that it will never work again between us, even if she were to apologise for what she did to me. However its been five days and she has not even bothered calling me to apologise. I cant even eat or concentrate at work, I feel like this is the end of the world for me. Im confused, Im no longer myself. How do I get over this pain? I really want to move on.


My Heartbroken brother

I do not want to appear insensitive to your feelings, but I need to ask you this one question. You say you really want to move on and my question is: so what are you waiting for? It hurts to invest in a relationship for half a decade and at the end of it all be treated so shabbily as happened with you. But, hey, these things do happen in life. And when they do, the trick is not to waste time crying over a relationship that is clearly better dead than alive. Remember what mum and dad used to say about crying over spilt milk!

You may have loved her for the past five years and you clearly have some residual feelings for her. However, the truth is that she decided — a whole three months ago — to move on with her new man. And this is what you must do: first, thank God that despite having been with your (former) girlfriend for five years you did not take her for a wife. The blow would have been even harder.

Secondly — and no one is gonna do this for you you must pick yourself up, dust yourself and move on with life!

At 26, there is still much more to live for. You were dealt an unfair hand by this woman. But she is only one bad woman. There are many other good women out there who will love a man for who he is and not for what he has. And I will end it by these words from the pen of the late nationalist and poet, Edson Zvobgo.

This is what he wrote: Should you fall, rise with grace, and without/Turning to see who sees, continue on your road/Precisely as if nothing had ever happened;/ For those who did not, the ditches became graves.


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