Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiances, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. These rules are to be communicated for the duration of the World Cup taking place in South Africa in June/July this year.
My Dear Sweetheart
1. From 11th June to 11th July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, there may be serious consequences (like you being locked out of the TV room for a month).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I dont mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell to the floor… it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say get over it, its only a game, or dont worry, theyll win next time. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less.
7. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called words of encouragement will only lead to a break up or divorce.
8. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying one game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to spend time together.
9. The replays of the goals are very important. I dont care if I have seen them or I havent seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
10. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go.
11. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
12. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying but you have already seen this…why dont you change the channel to something we can all watch??, the reply will be: Refer to Rule #2 of this list.
13. And finally, please save your expressions such as Thank God the World Cup is only every four years. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, etc etc.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Regards,
Men of the World (and those women who are enlightened enough to love football)
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