Matters of the Heart

I will be turning 23 in December and I have successfully attained my degree certificate. My boyfriend is 29 and we have dated for three and half years and now he is asking for my hand in marriage. Yes we love each other so much but my problem is that I am now caught in between my dreams and marriage. I really want to get married to him but I know he will not wait for another year or more for me to finish my tertiary education. But should I now give up my dreams for love because he is too impatient to wait?

Gloria

Hey Gloria

If I was to describe your boyfriend from the few words you have shared I will say he is one of the patient men a woman can ever get. Asking him to wait for another year after committing himself for almost four years now will be requesting him to stretch his patience a little far, which may be impossible. However, it will all depend on what both of you agree on. But to answer your question, there is no need to give up your dreams for love. In fact I believe you can win it all love and fulfilling your dreams. I know you wished to complete your Masters Degree before tying the note, but marriage can never stop anyone from following her dreams if there is will and support. You need to sit down with your man and plan on the future of your education as you wish it and there will be need for both of you to make some compromises. You may still study for your degree while you are married or even after having your first child. If you are in love do not expect your partner to be the one to always understand your situation without considering his. First you need to appreciate his support during the years you were sitting for your first degree not all men will do that. You must understand that it will not be automatic that he will agree to extend more days to his life as a bachelor. But like I said before, what is important is that you sit down and discuss the issue with him and prepare to make a compromise that will see both of you happy at the end of the day.

Gracey

Gracey, Im a 17-year-old A level student at a school in Harare. Its not easy for me to admit but I think I have a big crush on my Physics teacher. The problem is that he is so cool that almost every girl flirts with him. Flirting was never my thing but how do I get him to notice that I exist?

Secret admirer

I will be honest with you little sis. What you need to work on and spend most of your time doing is to focus more on improving your grades in Physics and not getting the Physics teachers attention. It is wrong for the other girls to flirt with him and if they were to read this I will encourage them to put their effort and time to their studies as well. Of course you are old enough to be dating, but you cannot compromise your education by dating your teacher. I have always discouraged girlfriends from dating men they will not be able to avoid when the relationship breaks and I will say the same to you. Always try to avoid dating classmates, teachers or someone you know you will always meet after breaking up. It is important that you focus on building your education and career. You need to avoid any distractions. Heartbreak will be the biggest stumbling block to your studies if the relationship with your teacher turns bitter. In life you will meet so many good looking and cool men who you will have a crush on and wish they can be your Mr Right, but dont let the heart do the thinking for you. At times like these it is the mind that needs to tell the heart to behave.

Gracey

Gracey

I will appreciate it if you give me space in your column to respond to the small house issue you discussed in last weeks paper. Im a 32-year-old woman and I am a friend to a certain mans small house. She is always telling me something I feel I need to share with sisters out there. She always tell me that you need to appreciate your man the way he is and never try to change him, respect him and be thankful for whatever he does for you knowing that he is doing his best. It is unfair and pointless for us women to keep pointing fingers at our husbands and other women for breaking their homes. Of course they are both to blame, but we must not forget that we have our own share of the blame. Lets find the root to the problem and try to correct it.

Sue.

I agree with you Sue that we need to find the root causes to male infidelity. I believe men will also need to stand firm in fighting to make their marriages work in face of problems and avoid looking at having a girlfriend as the only solution to the problem. It is certainly not a wise option especially in this day and age where the notorious AIDS pandemic is claiming lives. I cant imagine what the world will be like if the reverse were to happen and most women turned to small houses in face of problems in their marriages.

G