Matters of the heart

His father and I never really clicked from the day he learnt I was pregnant and I have been on my own with my son all these years. We have been doing well until I recently met someone I really consider getting into a serious relationship with. He understands me, my situation and above all he is caring to me and my son. But my biggest concern is my son who is insisting that we are fine alone. He surely does not hate him but it seems he is reluctant to appreciate and welcome him in our lives. How best can I convince him to like him and that I cannot stay forever alone?

Single Mum

Dear sister

Dealing with teenagers is never easy. You will be surprised to find good advice from his fellow peers. It is quite a psychological challenge for your son to start accepting a man in your life because he is used to a situation where it was just the two of you so he could be afraid of change. He may be experiencing a feeling of insecurity, which is only normal for him.

His greatest fear is probably that of losing your love and closeness that he has always enjoyed. I will assume for the past 13 years, your son has never get to share your attention and love with someone else. He may be asking questions in his head: What if the man does not really like me? What if the man leaves again after I have learnt to depend on him as a father? What if I dont find anything in common with the man? What if we wont be happy like we were?

You and your potential Mr Right are the people who need to allay his fears. The two of you need to assure him he will remain part of your life even if you get married. Convince him with actions not just words.

You also need a relationship where you will trust your husband with your son. Your man should understand the bond and love that is there with your son. Your son should be part of the family and should be included in crucial family decisions.

Gracey

Hie Gracey

When a married woman is found cheating, she is sent packing, chased out of her matrimonial home and back to her parents. But what happens when a woman finds out that his husband is cheating? Im a 23-year-old mother who has been married for two years. I found out that my husband has been cheating with his college girlfriend who I thought she broke up with long back. It seems they met again two months ago and continued from where they left off. I love my husband but Im really hurt and shaking with anger and jealousy as I type this email. Some of my workmates say I just pack my bags and leave him and others say I stay and work things out to save my marriage. So I just thought I should ask this to you and other men and women out there, what happens when a woman finds out that his husband is cheating?

Diva-stated

Hello Diva

This is quite a tricky question that will be answered differently by people of different religion and gender. I will not be tempted to advise you to be strong and stick to your man because cheating hurts. However, any reaction to this should never be influenced by anyone. Take a deep, big breath and figure out things yourself before you make a final decision.

Some people in your situation would respect a spouse/partner who acknowledges they have done wrong and apologises and work hard to mend their relationship.

However, marriages go through ups and downs. Nurturing a marriage is not an easy smooth road. Most successful marriages have gone through the problem of cheating. All they did was to be able to forgive each other and move on. So the overall decision lies with whether or not you still love your man and are willing to forgive and give your marriage a chance.

I would say give it a deep thought so that you do not regret any decision you make.

Gracey