Matters of the heart

We have been together for almost a year. I have been unfaithful to her and I feel so stupid around her asking myself whether I should tell her or not. Recently I got very drunk at a party and slept with another girl whose name I dont even remember. It was a mistake and I know I was so stupid, I love my girlfriend and I dont want to lose her. I know telling her will hurt her so bad and I know she will end our relationship. Keeping quiet is eating me up and Im afraid she may find out somehow. My fear is that what if that girl becomes pregnant. I just need to let it out and hope she forgives me, but each time I want to tell her I get so confused. Please what should I do to keep her?

Casanova

Hey Casanova

Its true you made a big mistake and the bottom line is that your girlfriend deserves to know no matter what the circumstances may be. It was so foolish of you to sleep with a stranger, especially without protection. The price of infidelity can be deadly these days, you could contract HIV and worst still infect your innocent girlfriend.

Calm down, get your mind settled and sit down with your girlfriend and confess what happened. Tell her exactly how you feel. Obviously she will be so disappointed, she may be so angry with you and may end the relationship, but you can always pray that she appreciates your honesty and forgives you.

If she tells you she does not want to see you again try to give her space because she will need to recover from the shock.

You also need to control your drinking habits so that this does not happen again.

Gracey

Dear Gracey

I have been married to my wife for two years now and we have a daughter together. She has not been honest with me ever since we were dating. I only discovered that she was once married the day I went to pay for lobola when her relatives let the cat out of the bag. I understood that it may have been difficult for her to tell me since we never used to spend much time together as I work in South Africa. But now she is cheating on me. I have seen text messages in her phone from her previous lover. Whenever I bring up the issue she becomes rude and accuses me of mistrust. Every time her phone rings in my presence she either hangs up or avoids me before she answers. The other time I answered her phone while she was bathing, a male voice suddenly told me it was a wrong number before hanging up. I have been a good husband to her and a good father to our daughter. Recently she has been coming home from work very late. I get home before her and when I complain she tells me that Im such a control-freak. I no longer know what to do. Getting a divorce is what is best for us but Im afraid it will be the start of an emotional chain of events for my daughter. Im confused Im now thinking of having a small house.

Danny King

Dear Danny King

I understand your concern and if you feel you need to end the marriage you need to be man enough and confront your wife and tell her what is bothering you. But before concluding on getting a divorce you need to make sure that it is what both of you want. You may be surprised that your talking to her will probably be a rude awakening, which will be just what she needs to change.

Get her to communicate. It is important that you know why she is cheating on you. Sometimes she may be getting something that you are not giving her. Communication is the key to a successful marriage and you need it to unlock all mysteries that are unfolding in your marriage.

Do not imprison yourself to a loveless marriage just because there is a child. Cheating has deadly consequences and it is innocent people like you who are caught in the cross-fire. Do not become a martyr for your daughter. You can still be a good father to your daughter even if you divorce.

Having a small house is not the solution because two wrongs do not make a right. It is wise to end your marriage first before you start seeing someone.

Wish you the best.

Gracey