Matters of the Heart

Its eating my heart to know that he has started smoking. I found out when first he came home with his school uniform smelling tobacco and later when I discovered a cigarette in his room. Im afraid he may get an addiction. But something also tells me that it is just a phase that will pass. Do I have a reason to worry and do you think he will come to his senses and know that smoking is bad for his health? I need to understand why he may have started smoking when no one in my family, not even his father smokes. I dont know who he is taking after.

Mother37

Dear Mother37

I understand your concern but its not always that teenagers smoke after taking it up the habit from someone close. Your son may be smoking due to peer pressure in order to fit in with his friends. Smoking may be one of the things considered to be fun and cool by children of his age.

Yes you are right to say it is a phase of life he is in, but smoking can be so addictive and you have a reason to worry. It is not easy to kick out the smoking habit, which is why some adults are stuck with the addiction although they know it is not good for their health.

You need to talk to your son to convince him to stop smoking and give him the chance of making the decision whether to smoke or not when he is 21 or more years old. The chances are high that at that age he will be an adult and will be in the best frame of mind to make wise decisions.

It is said each minute of smoking reduces a person’s life expectancy by a minute. When you consider that a two-pack-a-day smoker consumes on the order of 600,000 cigarettes in a lifetime, and it takes three to five minutes to smoke a cigarette, you can see the extent of danger smokers expose themselves to.

Avoid giving too many commands when you speak to your son because he may become rebellious. Talk to him like an adult as teenagers want to be treated that way.

Good Luck.

Gracey

Dear Gracey

Im a 21-year-old woman. My boyfriend of nine months is asking for my hand in marriage. Something inside me tells me that Im still too young to get married. I love my boyfriend and he is the serious type so I know he means it. He is 27 and Im afraid I may end up too young for him if I marry him because of our age-difference. I want to marry him, this is what I have always wanted in life getting married to a man I truly love and who loves me back- but there is this fear that is holding me back. What can I do really? One other thing, though small, my man has some irritating habits and I wonder if he will stop them if we get married?

PeePee

Dear PeePee

I just do not get it. How possibly will you get too young for your man when you marry him after you have been going out well for the past nine months?

You need to stand up and fight this crazy feeling that is pulling you back and discouraging you to do what you have always wanted in life. It is true what they say; age is nothing but a number when it comes to relationships. If he is happy dating you now then he cant find you too young when you get married.

However, it is typical for women of your age to feel that way. This is because by getting married you will have to fit into a family of total strangers and sometimes dropping some of your hobbies that made up your lifestyle when you were single. In the animation Shrek, American actor, Eddie Murphy, says fear is the rightful response to an unfamiliar situation. So you are right to fear the unknown, but we need not let our fear suppress our courage. Marriage has its own challenges but these are just a test to ones strength to face life when the going gets tough. It is the little more power that keeps you hanging on when everyone thought you will quit that qualifies you to be a real woman.

Im afraid you will have to live with his irritating habits because they are not likely to go when you get married. They may even get bigger. You may even discover some more irritating habits that he does around the house when you move in together. But one thing I can promise you is that true love conquers all. Follow your heart and dont let fear be your guide.

Gracey