Matters of the Heart

We have been going out since last year December, which is now a year. He is giving me pressure on sleeping with him, something I dont believe in. He knows Im a sex after marriage kind of woman but now he is pushing for it. I love this man so much but having these kind of differences is confusing me.

Does this whole clash show that we are not meant to be? I have always loved him for understanding the extend of our intimacy he now he is asking me to prove that I love and trust him by asking for something he knows I cant offer before we get married. How can I really handle this Gracey?

Dee

Dear Dee

There is nothing wrong with sticking with your principles, believing in sex after marriage may be a thing considered by many as archaic nowadays, but I respect your values. Of course we tend to differ in what we believe in as human beings and your boyfriend is one person who respects your values.

He has managed to stretch for a year making a compromise and after that long he is bound to expect some sort of appreciation and trust from you. He assumes that after a year of dating you will trust him enough not only with your heart but with your virginity, which not only means so much to us women but to men as well.

But if he does not trust you enough to believe you when you tell him that you trust him and love him then it becomes a problem. Sex must not be used as a tool for women to prove their trust and love to the men they love. It is something both parties need to engage in when they feel ready with a desire for it so that the whole concept of making love to each other makes sense to both of you. It does not only happen physically but mentally as well, so for you to appreciate sex you need to want it before having it.

It is common in relationships that a man feels ready to take his relationship with his lover to the next level when the partner feels otherwise. It is important that you talk about it and make each other clear on where you both stand on the issue.

And I hope your belief is driven by your own values and principles as an individuals and not merely by some unfortunate event that happened to someone after she gave her heart and virginity to his man, otherwise it will be a show of mistrust. Your man is an individual and he needs not be judged by what other ruthless men out there do.

Otherwise, stick to what you believe in, which is certainly the independence and freedom your soul deserves.

Gracey

Hello Gracey

Im a young man aged 19 and I have been dating sweet girls since High School. All along I have always been in what I call High School love life. I feel Im growing up and I need to behave like so. Im having great feelings for sex and I feel this is the right time for me to start exploring. Is there any age where one can be said the he or she is ready for a sexual relationship?

Bruce

Dear Bruce

The legal age where a person is considered an adult for decision-making in issues concerning sex and more in Zimbabwe is 16. So, yes at your age you are an adult.

But if you ask me I will not advise you to clear your conscience and start a sexual relationship at your early age just for the feel of it. I do not like the sound of the word exploring there. This is not one of my favourite topics to discuss so deeply about, but for the sake of your future and other teens out there, today I will.

You need to start a sexual relationship when you know you are in a position to start a family or be responsible for any consequences that may include a baby. At your age I can only imagine that you will be busy planning your future perhaps for college or university. Of course you may be busy on that right now, but you need nothing standing as a barrier to your dreams.

Believe me, a minute of unprotected sex can turn your life into a whole new path, which may take years to adjust and accept, and prove very hard along the way. It is quite normal for you to feel the way you do, but it is not always that we should let our feelings take over us. You need to control your feelings for women and know that the right time for everything always comes and whenever it does you love each and every step of life.

You may be subject to peer-pressure. Sometimes people tend to defy what they believe in to give in to societal expectations. What your friends do and believe in must not dictate what you must be done in life, being the only reasonable and decent boy in a million does not make you odd but special. You may appear a nerd standing up and fighting the temptations of sex before marriage in this day and age, but it has a great prize in your future.

So, to answer your question in short yes you can have sex at the age of 19 with someone 16 and over but you need to know that it comes with great responsibilities, some of which may be too big for you to handle. Its a matter of being wise with every choice you make.

Gracey