Matters of the Heart

I like that and it is so encouraging for someone like me who is a working class woman. But why then does it seem like men do not appreciate our hard work after all. My man has been cheating on me and he has always complained that I dont respect and appreciate him; do men expect women to carry them on their back in marriages? I really love my husband but it seems he just doesnt believe I do. I really wish I was single sometimes. What do men really want from their wives? A lot of people have believed and said the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, but I dont believe they are all that greedy, are they? – Unhappy Tee

Dear Unhappy Tee

I will certainly stand by every word by every word I have said before. Yes a woman of today (mudzimai wanhasi) stands by her man in providing for the family, she must not stand on the receiving end and wait for the husband to work for the family. Be it selling some vegetables or being the working class women that you are, some women even become the bread winners in their families.

But some of our fellow women of today tend to take their men for granted, act bossy, rebellious and wear the pants in their marriages.

What men need is not just cooking for them, which is just a small percentage of the love they need. Men need appreciation, love and respect. They want to feel like men, to know that their women look up to them and have accepted them for who they are.

I know of some situations where women do try but with no appreciation from their husbands. I know of women who have suffered abuse and criticism from the men they love, men who generally dont respect women. Im not throwing that away. But that is not the point, from what you have said I will not suggest your husband is that type abusive man.

The issue is about women fulfilling their responsibilities as a wife. Most men do cheat because of lack of respect, love and appreciation from their wives while others cheat because of their selfish ego of wanting to know they still got it or the selfish pride of hunting and conquering even the toughest queen.

I’m not suggesting robotic behaviour, but these three things are not difficult things to do. And dont ever think it will turn you into a zombie of a wife, just swallow your pride. They dont need to be treated like one of the children. Why complain so much about his weaknesses and faults, which his mother failed to change. Accept him and avoid looking much on the negatives he does but focus on the positive and get him to know you appreciate it.

As women of today who work and help men provide for the family, we are bound to feel like we can take care of ourselves. Sometimes we can, most of the times. But God made man to be the protector of women. Men love doing it and it makes them feel like a man when we allow them to do it.

All Im saying here is that as much as the woman of today stand by his men, help him with the financial needs of the family, she should not be a threat to a mans roles as a father and husband. I hope I have answered you.

Gracey

*Email graceyvc@yahoo.com for a special book The secret of fascinating womanhood on women and marriages.

Please help cracked feet

Dear Gracey

Im a 19-year-old lady. Im really embarrassed with my feet, which are cracked. I have had them for a long time now and I just dont know how to get rid of them. Please help me know what causes them and how I can deal with them, Im afraid soon I will be going to work and my workmates will laugh at me as my college mates did. – Lady B

Dear Lady B

I understand how you feel, dry and cracked heels are not pleasant to look at even to the owner. They can be painful and disturbing yet they can be prevented for a healthy feet.

What usually causes dry and cracked feet is wearing open shoes or walking bare-footed on a regular basis.

You can help get rid of them by washing your feet every day with warm water and baby soap, which will not dry your feet like regular soap. You can also use special feet bathing products that will help them maintain moisture.

You could try using natural elements such as honey. Add a bit of honey to the warm water and soak your feet for 10 minutes or more. You can also use it for feet mask. Apply it generously on your heels and leave it to work for 20minutes before rinsing it off with warm water.

Use a cream or foot ointment (Vaseline works wonders) regularly for your dry feet, the idea is to soften your heels so that the cracks will be closed. Vaseline and glycerine work wonders. You should apply before bed-time and then wear socks.

Cracked heels can be a sign of a local fungus infection and this you may not be able to prevent by using the methods outlined above. You would need to see a dermatologist, for advise on creams that will get rid of the infection.

Gracey

I want her back

Dear Gracey

I broke up with my girlfriend six months ago but now I miss her and really want her back. When we met for the first time after six months last week she accepted my invite for a date on a day I shall pick. I feel like a young schoolboy who is going to be talking to a girl for the first time. How do we start taking the first steps to getting back together?

Good Mface

Dear Good Mface

I know getting back together after a fight or break up is always brings a nice feeling. But it is important to recall the reasons why you both broke up the first time and consider how you will solve them to avoid another separation.

Dont ever use sex as a tool of making up. Talk your problems through honestly, apologise to each other and avoid disappointing each other again. Once you and your partner made agreements of what changes will be made and how you will improve your relationship, stick to them! If you do not respect and follow the new agreements, you will find yourselves arguing about the same issues all over again.

Take it one step at a time. Obviously the two of you agreed to get back together because you wish to give your relationship another chance. You both are willing to work at it, so do not feel the need to rush into things.

Making up after a long separation is more sensitive, you are starting things up again. Its like starting from scratch. Talk about what happened, why you broke up and why you both feel making up was the right decision. Go out on dates and get to know each other again. Do something romantic for one another as much as you can, to rekindle the feelings and reasons you fell in love in the first place.

And while you are at it, always remember what caused you to separate in the first place and avoid getting into those situations again. Good Luck.

Gracey