Matters of the Heart

For me my ideal relationship at this age is not one characterised with sex but I dont mind being intimate with him. He is always too busy with his work and I have always understood. But he has really let me down this past festive season, the man never bought me any gift, neither at Christmas or New Year, only a text message on my phone as if I was some sort of friend. Should I just leave him?

Cleo

Dear Cleo

I cannot really know exactly how this boyfriend of yours sees your relationship, maybe you are some sort of friend to him. I would expect that a young couple like you especially in these early stages of your relationship- make use of every time you have to spend time together, holding, cuddling and opening up to each other.

Fine, he is such a busy man you say. But honestly he must be one who makes efforts to communicate and assure you of his love. When men or women are forced by circumstances to meet their lovers on an irregular basis, it is only the norm for them to feel insecure. They are bound to fear losing you to others and by not meeting regularly they make efforts to call, though some end up becoming so annoying at times.

But still, it is not healthy for a relationship to lose communication. While understanding he is such a busy man, you must at least be able to stand and say Im positive my man loves me either because he always tells you or how he treats you. You should have something to convince your relationships critics that it is something you are both committed to.

As for the festive season gifts, you have every right to start doubting his love. This is a time to give and share with loved ones, a womans wish this time will be to be in the arms of the man she loves, spend some quality time together and exchange gifts. He should have made efforts to spend time with you knowing how busy he has been lately, but obviously he had other commitments somewhere, which just shows how casually he takes your relationship.

But obviously it will be unfair to judge this man and advise you its best you leave him without knowing the reasons for his actions during the past three months. You need to find time together and hear his side of the story, explain to him what your ideal serious relationship is like and how you want to be loved because not everyone is gifted in observing how their lovers want to be loved. Good Luck Cleo.

Gracey

Dear Gracey

I dont really know what it is with women and gifts, especially during the festive season, Valentines Day or their birthdays! Why should a man be dumped by a woman he really loves just because he has failed or he cannot afford buying a gift for her? Im really heartbroken and I think I will probably hate Christmas and New Year for it will always remind me of the time I was left by the woman I loved so much for a stupid reason. She is not picking up my calls and it seems like her feelings have changed from one extreme of deep love to the other of hatred for me. I dont know really, does it help buying her the present now? What should I do to win her back?

T-One PamaOne

Dear T-One PamaOne

Well, there are a lot of good things women do tell about their men from what appears a simple gift. Women – at least most of us – do make a fuss about getting gifts from the men we love. But one thing you need to understand first is that women do appreciate and tell a lot about their men from gifts, which are not only physical, fancy and expensive. A true showing of love also comes in the gift of a special kiss, hug or some quality time you spend together, just the two of you. These gifts need not only come during the festive season, valentines day or their birthdays!

It is every womans fantasy that in her love relationship every day is Valentines Day, her birthday or festive season a time dedicated to celebrating love and appreciation for each other. But it is unfortunate to a woman or man who regards a gift only as something tangible and expensive; this can mean that only rich men and women can have successful relationships.

There is a possibility of you winning her back if you play your cards right. If tangible gifts are what she believes in, then you get her something and instead of trying to make a call she will not pick up, knock at her doorstep and deliver it in person. Apologise for letting her down and let her know that your failure to give her gifts must not mean you dont care about her. Spend some quality time with her and make every day special.

She will understand you as the man who is not very good at buying her presents but she will appreciate that at least you care and love her. I wish you all the best.

Gracey