Matters of the Heart

grace_chirumanzuDear Gracey
I am a 20-year-old young woman and my problem is that I have never had a boyfriend.

Everyone of my age some even younger- are going out with cute boyfriends. With Valentines Day coming up, going to college will be to me a mental torture when everyone will be showing off their presents from their boyfriends. Im afraid I will end up old with no one wanting me. I feel so lonely and Im afraid soon I will be desperate. Is this the signs of being a spinster?


Dear Lonely

In this life we are living, happiness comes with doing the right thing and what we wish for as individuals. Live your life without looking much into what your peers are up to. How quickly we get a boyfriend in early adolescence has very little to do with what will happen to you in the future.

Some women even reach their late twenties without a boyfriend as they will be too busy with their studies and it certainly doesnt mean that they will not get anyone to date or marry them.

Some beautiful girls that I know don’t start dating till college, largely because they just aren’t ready emotionally. In fact, many teenagers rush into having boyfriends because they lack the emotional security to be on their own a little while longer.

So dont worry, for there is no reason to. Use this time you have to work on your studies and make the best out of your life. While you are at it, just try to work on your self esteem and confidence; dont let what others are doing get to you for your time will come.

If you feel insecure about your looks join a gym or do whatever it takes to help your body image. Most of all, even when you feel so lonely, down and out, try to smile and reach out to talk to people even those you do not normally talk to. It will boost your confidence.

Life is like a rollercoaster, it has its ups and downs, while we are down lets remember the ups follow. Dont be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time and space to develop into someone that you yourself like! Others will notice and like you too.


Dear Gracey

Im an O-Level student at a local school and Im so confused of what is happening around me. I just want to know if Im assuming things or is it for real. There is this cute Science teacher at our school who seems to like me.

In all our lessons he keeps using my name as an example or calls me up front to lead in some experiments we carry out in the lab. He asks me to collect my class books even though he knows Im not the class representative. One day when I was making a presentation in front of other students at a seminar we hosted, he kept staring at me and if it was not an illusion on my part, he winked at me. The other day when I was part of the eight people in my class who were to be punished for coming to his lesson late, he just forgave everyone because of me.

From what I have said, what do you think of my teacher, your opinion is really important to me? Does he like me? Does he have a crush on me?


Dear Favourite

It is difficult to tell whether this cute Science teacher of your likes you to the extent of having a crush on you or whether he just likes you as one of his best student.

But suppose he has a crush on you. So what!!

I will advise you to stay clear of any personal involvement with him because it won’t lead to anything that is good for you. When a teacher involves himself with a young student like you, first, he is breaking a law and second, he is violating the rights of a minor.

Please ignore whatever advances he might make but to continue to be friendly and nice, of course within the boundaries of being his student.

You should be concentrating on your studies and how you can pass your final exams and not worry about which girl caught your cute Science teachers eye.


Dear Gracey

My husband and I have been married for a year now. Im his third wife; he has been divorced twice in the past five years. He is 28 and Im eight years younger. We are very close and we tell each other almost everything, he has been so loving and caring for the past year we have been married.

For the past three weeks he has been so moody and uptight. I have tried doing all that I can to make him happy but he gets back to his moody self in a short time. Im getting worried and concerned what is going on up in his head.

I try to think of what I have done wrong, I just dont find it. I was married at a young age and I dont want any divorce soon. I have tried to fight for my marriage whenever I faced any challenges. But this time I dont know what is bound to hit our marriage.

Please help me on what I should do in such a situation.

Mrs Moody

Dear Mrs Moody

This is a cause for concern especially when this is your husbands third marriage at such early age. It makes me wonder what went wrong in his two earlier ones. The same reason he broke up with his ex-wife may be the problem troubling him, making him moody and quiet.

You have a reason to be worried but you should not blame yourself for what is happening.

It seems he really has changed, especially when you explain that you are really close and that you told each other almost everything.

Im concerned about his change of behaviour. This feels like a psychological problem such as depression and moodiness, which probably have nothing to do with you.

If he seems to withdraw emotionally for no reason at all or else if outside changes such as job stress cause him to feel extremely down, he may need to talk to a professional about this.

Above all, do not personalize his moodiness. It is definitely not your fault. As his wife try to communicate with him about what is troubling him. Tell him you really miss him when he acts like this and that you want to help.

It sounds like he doesn’t really share much but rather withdraws into himself. This absolutely cuts off any ability to work on things and I suspect this may have been an issue in his earlier relationships.

Above all be kind, loving and supportive but do let him know that his swings are hard on you.


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