Last Sunday we discussed some of the problems associated with the husbands mother, and this time we focus on the wifes mother.
There can be problems on both sides and these will need to be handled properly for the benefit of the marriage.Some of you may have heard of the funny story that news reached one couple that the mother had died. The husband asked his wife when she can be ready for them to travel home for the funeral. She told him that she needed time to do her groceries, inform her colleagues in the mothers union that she was going away for a few days, and also get her hair done. That would take about three hours. The husband said no problem; he would wait until she was ready.
When she finally came home after three and half hours, the husband asked her whether she had also purchased groceries for home but she said they would pick those up at Spar in Chivhu on their way home. Then the man told her that they were going to Murehwa and not to Buhera, It is your mother who has died, not mine. This blew the wifes mind; all along she had assumed that the mother who had died was his mother and not hers.
The moral of the story is that both husbands and wives need to treat both mothers in-law as equally important. The wife had taken her time doing her thing assuming that it was her husbands mother who had died. She would have behaved very differently had she known that it was, in fact her own mother who had passed on.
The wifes mother can be a pain in the flesh of the husband if she is allowed by his wife to do as she likes. Some mothers in-law have the tendency of wanting to run their daughters household, giving instructions to the maid regarding what may or may not be done. Others will even give their daughters advice on how to manage their husbands as well as their children.
They will usually come to visit the married couple without any notice at all; then they tend to want to overstay their welcome. They often try to dominate all conversation whenever they are home. They seem to have a comment on everything that is showing on the TV, even when they do not quite understand the language. When eventually they leave for home, they are often so overloaded with parcels that the husband often wonders what on earth she will have been given by his wife.
So how do you handle this difficult mother in-law? First, the daughter needs to very quickly and firmly indicate to her mother that her husband is the boss of the house. Whenever she is given advice she must quickly tell her mother that she will ask her husband before implementing what she will have been advised to do. The message will get to her very quickly that the two married people cannot be played one against the other.
For his part, the hubby needs to demonstrate love to his mother-inlaw. Talk with her as often as possible. Agree with her only when it is necessary, but disagree with her on some issues without fear.
When she bosses the children around in a wrong or misleading manner, correct her in the absence of the children and insist that your way of raising children may be different from hers. In this regard both spouses need to be seen to be agreed. She is more than just a mother-in-law; she is your mother-in-love too.
Post published in: Opinions