Matters of the Heart

grace_chirumanzuShould I cheat too?
Dear Gracey
Im a 19 going on 20. Since I started dating I have never found the right man for me.

All the men I have dated had three or four girlfriends besides me. I have never cheated on any man. When I asked someone why men cheat he told me that a man cannot date one girl at a time. Please help I need to know how true this is? Does it mean I will never have my one and only man? Should I then cheat like they do as well? – B.

Dear B.

According to men, they cheat because of various reasons but the excuse that men cannot date just one woman is simply not true.

This is one of the typical stereotypes that society says over and over and in the end it appears to be a fact. Some men glorify that stereotype, while others help prove it true by dating more than just one woman to fulfil their selfish pride.

Meeting one, two, three or four men who are skilful cheaters does not mean the whole world is full of untrustworthy men dear. One rotten apple must not spoil the whole lot. You need not allow these ex-lovers of yours to make you hate being around men or sink to their level of behaviour.

There are lots of loving and caring men out there who are searching for the right woman. They bump into an untrustworthy sister who plays and breaks their heart. But should they believe there are no honest and loving women like you in this world? Its only a matter of time before you find the right man for you, who will love and treat you like a Queen.

When I revisit the traces of my love life from the time I started dating I always appreciate each and every heartbreak and ex-lover who cheated on me. I know it sounds crazy, but the hard times I faced because of their wicked love made me stronger – and I was more able to realise true love when it finally came.

Cheating will never be the remedy to being cheated. Stay on the receiving end and one day you will receive true and sweet love that you can will cherish for the rest of your life. I can promise you that day will come. – Gracey

Should I let go?

Dear Gracey

Im a single lady. I found out that my man is seeing someone else. We talked about it and he told me that this lady used to be pregnant for him before she suffered a miscarriage. He insists now that he feels he should take care of her and attend to her basic needs. He says he loves me but Im now confused whether I should continue with the relationship or let go. – Confused

Dear Confused

There is certainly nothing wrong with your man taking care of this other woman. He probably feels bad for not being there for her when she went through that bad experience and this is what he can do to make it up for her.

But I understand how unfair all this is for you. You probably came to know about the other woman when she already had a miscarriage and knowing that she has been pregnant for your man is a rude awakening that he has been cheating on you. Your man has not been honest with you in this relationship. Of course that is a cause for worry.

If you are ready to forgive your man for his mistakes, you will need to talk this through with him and get him to explain his main reason for helping his ex-girlfriend. You cannot believe he still loves you if he is doing it as a way of getting her back into his arms.

But of course he will never be so blunt to say he is helping her to revive their failed relationship. The best way to handle it all will be to give your man some space, let him decide who he really wants to be with. No woman in her rightful senses can accept her man to be assisting his ex in any way with issues that are nothing close to qualifying as his responsibilities.

You have a right to know when the helping will end. Just avoid demanding the answer which he will give without meaning it. He needs some space; he needs some time to decide what he wants. While you are giving him space, try to have fun with your girlfriends and avoid spying on what he is up to. Good Luck. – Gracey

Am I ready to date?

Hey Gracey

Im a 15-year-old girl. I want to know is there is a certain age a girl is said to be ready to date? A lot of guys have asked me out and I have turned them down not because I was not really interested. One of them, the coolest guy at our school, is still asking me out. When is it the right time to say yes? – Lady Dee

Dear Lady Dee

People are different. We all start dating at different ages in life; there is no specific age to say someone will be mature enough to date. But I believe dating should have different meanings and references at different ages. Some people talk of dating when they mean all people do in the name of intimacy. To me a girl can start dating at any age. I will not discourage a four-year-old girl who tells me that she met her first boyfriend at pre-school.

It all comes back to what you do during your dating. If this coolest guy at school is at least not more than two years older than you I see nothing wrong with you following your heart. He needs to be a guy who understands that you are both school kids who have a future to prepare for and so your definition of dating must be confined within the circles of studying together, walking each other home and not beyond going out for a movie.

Just see that as one of your principles you never date much older guys while still in school and you will be fine. – Gracey

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