Accountability in the family

To be accountable to your spouse essentially means that the spouse should be able to know what you are doing at practically every waking moment, as well as where you are, and who you are with. In our family, we find it necessary to let each other know what is planned to take place in our schedules each day well in advance. For example, if the husband is going to have a business lunch with a colleague, he needs to inform the wife in advance as well as indicate where the lunch will be held. The same applies to the wife.

That way you avoid silly rumour mongering about having been seen at such and such a place without your spouse. Being accountable helps to strengthen your relationship by building your confidence in each other. It eliminates suspicions about each others behaviour.

Being accountable to each other as a married couple also means that we both know what resources are at our disposal and we agree on how they are to be used for the benefit of the family and the extended family.

There is no way the wife is going to withdraw money from our bank account and purchase some goodies for her mother without first agreeing with the husband. The husband must equally consult with his wife before buying his mother a dress or some groceries.

We know of some families that have come to grief as a result of the husband unilaterally deciding to withdraw money from the family account and sending it to his baby sister who needed school fees. When the wife eventually found out what had happened she took strong exception and rightly demanded an apology.

She even went further to indicate that her own brother had just been told that the couple could not pay his fees because they did not have enough money for that. Accountability dictates that both sides of the family are treated equally in such matters. There may be exceptional cases where one family is better able to afford to pay their childrens fees, but these will also need to be discussed and agreed upon in advance.

The notion of accountability becomes more complex when the children are grown up and able to travel on their own. In our family, there are very specific rules that require that every member of the family should let others know where they are going and why. Our sons cannot just stroll down to the bus stop and board a bus into town without telling either of the parents. If the parents happen not to be at home then the maid needs to be informed so that she can inform the parents when they come home.

Accountability in the family requires that when you leave home for a visit somewhere you make an effort to get back home in time for the family dinner. If a member of the family is stuck in town because of lack of transport, they are required to call home and inform the family of their predicament. That way the member is considered to be duly accountable and efforts will be made to either wait for them to get home or to provide alternative transport to them.

Our children cannot just pick up the phone and call someone without first seeking the parents permission. After all we are the ones who pay the bills when they come. Accountability teaches all of us to be answerable to each other in a manner that enhances our responsibilities to each other.