A discouraging parent will say statements like, You got five wrong out of ten. You will have to do better than that. An encouraging parent will look for little efforts rather than success. He or she is relaxed and accepting rather than tense and condemning. In this particular case, the encouraging parent will say, You got five right out of 10. Well done. I know that if you practice some more you will get the five that are wrong right.
Choose to be the encouraging rather than the discouraging parent and your children will build up confidence in themselves over time.
The discouraging parent will want achievement rather than improvement. They tend to always compare the child to other children and this can b e devastating to the child. They will say, Look at Andrew and see how well he can do it. You are just wasting my time as well as your own. This compares rather sharply with the encouraging parent who focuses on small improvements rather than big achievements.
The encouraging parent will see the small improvements and say, Good. Now you are getting the hang of it. The discouraging parent does too much for the children and becomes their servant. For example, they will say, I will find you shoe after I have finished combing your hair. Just be patient.
The encouraging parent develops responsibility in the child. They allow the child to experiment and make mistakes. Children get better encouraged by being allowed to learn for themselves than by having parents do things for them.
A discouraging parent is usually quite authoritarian in their dealings with the children. They take bait and react to childrens behaviour. A typical statement from such a parent is, Shut up and get out and dont you dare talk to me like that again. This is in contrast to the encouraging parent who listens and takes interest in the child.
The encouraging parent says, I see. So it has been very hard for you this week The discouraging parent is usually impersonal. His or her praises are insincere. This is the parent who will utter such meaningless statements as, You are absolutely gorgeous. Everyone will love you. Personal statements should be made more sincere rather than flattering. Children know when they are being flattered and they can grow to resent it.
The discouraging parent consoles, reassures and advises more often than not. This is different from the encouraging parent who listens to the child and allows him or her to judge for themselves. They will say statements like, So what do you think? How do you feel now about what you did? perhaps the worst trait of the discouraging parent is that often they will threaten the child or give orders.
They may even scold the child from time to time in an effort to control him or her. The encouraging parent will urge the child to take responsibility without threatening the child. The discouraging parent is quick to criticize the child. They often look out for and point to the childs mistakes. They may say, Now look what you have done. Why do you have to be so stupid?
The encouraging parent will look out for the positive in the child, and they are usually good humoured. They make the child who has made a silly mistake more comfortable knowing that the mistake can be corrected. May God help us all to be encouraging parents for the sake of our children.Post published in: Opinions