Matters of the heart

Ive been dumped
Hie Gracey
Im a handsome young man who has just been dumped for another man by the woman I loved more than anything in the world. My whole life revolved around that woman, I changed my dreams for her, I dressed the way she wanted me to and I just did everything she wished from a lover. She was seeing another man behind my back before dumping me.

I honestly hate her and never want her back but my problem now is that my whole life seems to have come to a standstill. Im so hurt I cannot even eat, cannot even socialise with friends because my mind is always buried in a pool of worries and depression. Im no longer as hard-working as I was at my workplace and my boss is beginning to show some concerned. I refuse to think that Im nothing without her but yet there is not so much evidence that I can live without her. My heart is in pieces; please help me on how I can mend it? – Sad Prince

Dear Prince

Dealing with heartbreak is not a skill and it is certainly not something that is inborn. Learning that the one and only person you love has been unfaithful and is leaving may be psychologically and mentally wrecking. But there are so many things you can do to overcome and fight heartbreak if your mind is strong enough to convince what is left of your heart to move on.

You need to want to move on before you try it otherwise it is no use to keep holding on to old memories that brings you tears when you can make new ones. Avoid being alone when you can hang out with friends who will help you discuss issues with nothing to do with love. You need to set yourself new goals, redirect your pain and live your life. The more you talk and socialise with other people the more you will divert your mind from reminiscing of your past relationship.

You need to take a step into moving on with each day. So, instead of punishing and overwhelming yourself with sad love songs and flipping through old pictures, make an effort to keep yourself busy having fun with friends. Get yourself tired by the time you get to sleep so that you are too exhausted to be thinking of the unfortunate events of your love life and you fall into your deep sleep easily.

It is certainly true what they say; time heals all wounds, but it works for those who want to be healed. It is not totally inevitable to be sad – but dont allow the sadness to get the better of you. You will remain the same great person you were before the heartbreak because your ex cannot take away who you are. So, instead of burying your mind and soul in a pool of sadness and depression, give yourself a chance to pursue your other goals in life and let love come to you on the way. – Gracey

Distance is killing me

Hie Gracey

I have been dating my man for three months now but two weeks ago he moved to South Africa where he was offered a nice job. He is always in touch but I have never been a person for long distance relationships, Im always skeptical if he means it when he tells me Im still his one and only. Im always feeling insecure and abandoned.

I have no evidence that he is cheating on me but sometimes something just tells me he is when he goes for days without calling or texting me. He used to communicate or even visit me almost every day when he was here, but things are now different. When I ask him he tells me nothing has changed. This distance is killing me, do you believe in long distance relationships and do you think I can survive it? – Ropa

Dear Ropa

Not like this you wont survive the long distance relationship. The number one Donts in such a relationship are never to be too suspicious. You need to trust your man wholeheartedly if you want to survive it. One suspicion will break the bond and trust you have with your man. Once trust is lost in a relationship love tends to fade away.

This is however not to say your partner is faithful to you but if he is that unfaithful type, he still would have cheated you from the shortest distance you have been dating him for the past three months. Just avoid imagining things and assuming that he is being unfaithful when you dont have concrete evidence of that. Do not create unnecessary stress for yourself.

To survive a long distance relationship you need to believe in his love. Believing that long distance relationship do not work when you are in one will hunt you down and get the better of what you both have. Do not be influenced with the negative things people think about long distance relationships.

Never think of settling for a time pusher or a temporary replacement of your man because he is not physically around. By letting a second man into your life you will put to risk the long distance relationship you have with the man you really love most. Never take your relationship with your man lightly just because he is away, give him his right to participate in the decision making that concerns your relationship.

It is normal in long distance relationships to feel abandoned after just two days of no communication. You were used to seeing him and talking to him every day when he was around but you need to get to understand that communication will not be as smooth as it was before. He is probably trying to settle down, copy with his new job and impress his new bosses in the first two weeks of his departure and you need to be supportive and understanding for your relationship to work. – Gracey

She refuses sex

Dear Gracey

My girlfriend of three months is still refusing me sex. Im always wondering if she is seeing someone else who she is more committed to than me. Im 26 and she is 23 and I need to know whether she is committed to me. I really dont want to cheat on her and I have thoughts of settling down soon but how can I know if she is the right person who loves me when she refuses me the most important thing in a relationship? – Mr Right

My dear brother

Love is not a feeling that just revolves around the bedroom; a good relationship or marriage is not made only out of sex. There are so many ways for you to know whether your girlfriend is the right person for you to marry. I it is possible for a couple to abstain until they get married and still have a successful marriage.

Making a decision to marry someone out of the good memories of several nights with her in bed is a recipe for disaster. You need someone who is not just your lover in bed but also your friend and partner to spend the rest of your life with. Your girlfriend can offer you sex today but I can tell you it will not be a guarantee that she loves you and that she is committed to you.

Her refusal to make love to you before marriage must also not be taken to mean that she is not committed and that she does not love you. Throw away the impression that she is seeing someone, if you really want to know the reason behind her decision to abstain you ask her; communication is key in every relationship.

While you need to understand from her the reason why she has chosen the decision to abstain, you will need to respect her values and beliefs. It may be that it is simply against her principles to make love to a man before tying the knot and you will need to learn to compromise if this is the woman you love. – Gracey

Post published in: Opinions

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