Matters of the heart

His uncle loves me and he has asked me for sex and on several occasions he has touched me. I am afraid Im beginning to feel something for him (his uncle). I dont want to break my boyfriends heart. Im really confused about what I should do. Please help. – Teenager

Dear Teenager

My dear sister, this amazing thing called feelings is fantastic when we let it run loose to give us such marvellous experiences as love. But feelings need to bow down and respect our logic. Our feelings need to be controlled by our brains so that we dont end up hurting the people we love and we avoid making fools of ourselves in society.

Just stop and think for a second; will it be right to cheat your boyfriend with his uncle? Of course there may be cases of happily married couples whose wife initially dated the husbands nephew and they are all in good books. But being involved with your mans uncle at the same time will cause heartbreak to your boyfriend, who may find it difficult to forgive you both for the rest of his life.

It is an embarrassment to all sisters out there, some who have accused men of being skilful cheaters and others terming them untrustworthy. You need to be clear who you love and stick to that one man.

Come in the open with his uncle and tell him to stop making any advances towards you and always avoid being around him alone. I hope you will not let your stubborn feelings mess up your love life. – Gracey

Afraid of trusting my wife

Dear Gracey

I am a man aged 25. I got married four months back and got divorced three days ago. The problem was that my wife accused me of having an extra-marital affair, which I never did. She is pregnant and I am afraid that she may think of coming back to me and I may end up being infected with a sexually transmitted disease. How am I supposed to know what she has been up to? Please help me because Im in a dilemma and your response will be greatly appreciated. – Confused Man

Dear Confused Man

You are just feeling insecure for nothing here my brother and you are letting your imagination go so wild at your own expense.

The way we meet as couples and fall in love until we get married has a high possibility of affecting how much we trust each other in marriage. If a man meets a woman in a brothel, falls in love and later on marries her, there is 100 percent chance that he will never trust his wife for the rest of their lives, no matter how the woman changes to be a trustworthy, honest and loving partner. Same as one who meets his future bride at a church function, giving a touching sermon; he is bound to trust his wife even if the woman is a filthy hypocrite.

I will not defend your wife because I dont know the kind of person she is and you didnt say how you met, but come on – this is your wife.

Im sure she deserves at least a little of your trust for you trusted her enough to marry her. I find suspecting her of cheating as a stubborn way of getting back at her for suspecting you of seeing someone else.

Let me also correct you, you are not divorced but just separated. It was a bad move by whoever decided for this separation when there was no tangible evidence that you were having an affair. But still she may find herself justified if in the first place you failed to prove to her that you were innocent.

But these are the ups and downs of life, marriage to be specific. There are times where men have to swallow their pride and vice versa to avoid unnecessary fights as couples.

Of course she is going to come back to you, if she is the kind of good sister I know brave women to be. Women do not give up that easily on their marriages.

Three days is not much of a time to think that she had already forgotten about you and started sleeping around. I understand your disappointment in her suspecting you of cheating, but for the good of your marriage and your unborn child you need to calm down and let the dust settle.

Discuss the issue later, once you have cooled down. Make it clear to her that you love her and you will never cheat on her. She may be a weak person emotionally but you will have to be strong for her. I hope and pray that God will bless your marriage. – Gracey

I was raped by a teacher

Dear Gracey

I am a 15-year-old Form three student in Harare. I was going out with a 26-year-old student teacher at our school who dumped me soon after sleeping with me. I honestly never agreed to it, he forced himself on me and I could not scream but just tried to fight him off in vain, as I was embarrassed the other students would hear the noise from his office.

Most people knew that we were lovers and Im afraid that claiming that I was raped may appear stupid to everyone. I cant tell my parents I cant tell my mother because I know she will kill me. It happened last week and I am soon turning 16. What should I do, the issue is killing me inside and I just dont know who will trust and believe me if I speak out. – Dumped

Dear Dumped

I feel so sorry for you; no one deserves to go through what you did. Whether you were lovers or not what this student teacher did to you was illegal. You were certainly raped and you need find an adult, maybe a female teacher at your school if you are too afraid to open up to your mother. This man took advantage of you treating you as a lover only to dump you when he got what he wanted.

He forced you into sex without your concern and being below the age of 16 that makes it statutory rape, which usually attracts imprisonment of 12 -16 years. You need to do the right thing and speak out and forget about what your peers will say. It is not your fault that you were raped, you never asked for it and the perpetrator has to pay for his criminal deeds. Find the courage to stand up and fight this abuse.

If you feel you need me at any moment, do not hesitate to contact me and I will stand by you every step of the way. – Gracey