We know we are sinning

Dear Gracey
I am a lady aged 18 and have been dating a married man with two kids who is aged 32. Deep down our hearts we both know that we are committing a serious sin, but we just cant help it.

We love each other so much that when we tried to break up at one time we could not go through a day without texting each other. I am a virgin and we have agreed on oral sex though sometimes I want to take it to the next level. Please help me I really dont know what to do now? – Anonymous Girl

Dear Anonymous Girl

I know you will be hurt if anyone calls you a home breaker but that is what you are. You may not care about this sister, but your boyfriend, or is it sugar daddy? is cheating. He is cheating with you and claiming that he loves you, but the bottom line is: men do not leave their family that easily.

He loves his family and he will not leave them for you, which makes you a mere concubine in this love triangle.

It is every girl or womans dream to be happily married and grow old with the man she loves. I want to believe that there is a noble part in you that has that dream. But you will not see tit come true if you continue messing up your future with him.

You are so young and there are a lot of good, loving, single and searching men out there whom you can date. Dont spoil your life and disappoint not only yourself but the people who love you most. I normally condemn men who cheat on their wives with small houses and young girls, but in your case I am much more disappointed with you more than I am with this married man.

You know very well his age, his marital status and even the number of kids that he has. Your conscience tells you its wrong – so why should you not believe yourself and do the right thing? I understand the bond you have developed with this man but you need to get it into your head that he is just not yours.

Do yourself a favour, start by deleting his mobile number from your phone memory and in your mind if possible, get yourself a new sim card and make sure he never gets to know the number. Destroy any gifts he gave you or anything that brings memories of him like photos. Avoid doing anything that reminds you of him. Keep yourself busy and have fun with your girlfriends.

Start by looking into the mirror and say this to yourself Im not a home breaker, Im beautiful and young. I will love and be loved with a trustworthy and honest man. I will not share my man with anyone. – Gracey

Shes positive, Im negative

Dear Gracey

I am a man aged 25; I fell in love with a 15-year-old girl in 2008. In late 2009 she fell pregnant and delivered our baby last year. When she was pregnant we were advised that she be tested for HIV, as they normally do with all pregnant women. She came out positive and I tested negative. I went back several times and I tested negative. Im afraid of leaving her alone at that age and at the same time I fear dying from the disease. Im confused and dont know what to do. Please help. – Undecided

Dear Undecided

I feel for you – it appears you are in a deep quagmire, caught in between the woman you love and your fear of death.

But remember, being HIV positive does not mean one is going to die tomorrow or any minute from the moment his/her test results are revealed. Everyone is bound to die one day, be it from stroke, heart attack, old age or AIDS. If you tell yourself that and refuse to allow your fear of death stop you from following what you believe in, you will see yourself making your decision easily.

I will not tell you to move on and leave her or stick with her. This is an issue that needs your own decision that you will make and commit to sticking to it. Whichever decision you take, you will have people who will criticize and try to denounce you; so you will need to be strong to defend your decision.

I hope God will guide you in making the decision that is best for you, your partner and your child. Good Luck. – Gracey

Hes been cheating

Dear Gracey

I am a 22-year-old lady who is five months pregnant. I was married last month and last week I discovered that my man had been cheating on me just before we got married. The girl he dated sends him text messages complaining why he married me when he had promised her marriage. Sometimes he looks uncomfortable talking on his phone in my presence usually saying, ndozvavapo, accept it wakutondinetsa!! I dont know if I should confront him or call the girl and shout at her but just sitting and pretending I dont know anything feels so stupid.

I am worried, what do you think I should do? I love my husband. – Just Married

Dear Just Married

Stop worrying dear, your man married you – which should tell you that it is you he loves. Of course he cheated on you, but that is in the past now. You cannot jeopardize your marriage by being angry with him for something he did some months ago. You can only appreciate his efforts in trying to eradicate potential small houses and putting things straight with his ex-girlfriends. This is the man every married woman respects and appreciates.

If pretending that you do not know anything about this girl is too much for you, then you can let him know that you are aware of her bugging him tell him that and that you admire and appreciate his respect for your marriage. Tell him you love him so much for that.

You will not only stimulate more love in your marriage, but you will assure him of your trust that he will never want to break it. Just know that you are blessed to have a man who values your relationship. Make sure you always give him the reason to be proud of his decision to marry you and not that girl or any other woman for that matter. You can do this by loving, appreciating and respecting him. Wish you all the best mother-to-be. – Gracey

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