Living considerately

While addressing friends and relatives attending his victory party, one middle-aged man asked all his relatives to stand up. His wife also stood up, but he asked her to sit down. He told her, You are not my relative. You are my wife. That was quite correct; my spouse is not my relative.

She may be my closest friend, but she is not my relative, lest we be accused of having committed incest. But that is not the subject of this contribution.

This week we wish to discuss some of the factors surrounding the critical aspect of marriage; that of living considerately. There are numerous stories in the media pertaining to domestic violence, divorce, separation of couples and the taking of multiple wives by some men, including some so-called celebrities.

It is absolutely crucial that the husband and wife help each other in undertaking household chores. Some men are so traditional that they are very reluctant to assist their wives in such simple tasks as doing the dishes after the family meal. Others find it embarrassing to change the nappies of their own children. Another lot will not spare just a few hours to cook a meal for the family.

In most cases, these things are done by men of a low mental capacity or very poorly educated men who think that being a father means being served by their wife and children while they fold their arm s and watch Dembare being trounced by Gunners or by Motor Action. Living considerately requires that we share the household chores as much as possible. There is no such thing as womens work and mens work.

Couples that love each other grab all available opportunities to empower each other. This entails giving your spouse the chance to advance herself or himself. Soon after our marriage, I urged my wife to go to a driving school and train until she got a Drivers License. Now she drives herself all over the place and this has not only empowered her to do the things that she would like to do, but this has also freed me from driving her around when I could be doing other things.

Primitive men are very reluctant to let their women touch the car at any time. I also trained my wife in how to change her tyres if she has a puncture and how to check the car in terms of the essential fluids once every week. Backward men would like their wife to call them from across the town to come and change a punctured tyre. Allowing your spouse to acquire higher educational and technical skills will also benefit the whole family in the end.

A smart wife will not be satisfied with just the little education she got before getting married. Once the children have reached a certain age, she should seek to further herself further for her own good and that of the family. A good husband will support such an effort.

Living considerately also means that we watch the way we talk to each other in the marriage. A wife who has such a loose mouth that she fails to control her own temper often ends up hurting her spouse that he ends up drinking, or he beats her up, or he stays away from home for as long as possible to avoid her tongue-lashing.

Try and always remember that you will be talking to your best friend. Choose your words carefully and train yourself in restraining your temper at all times, even when you have been wronged. Apologise whenever it appears your spouse has been hurt by what you said. It is not a sign of cowardice to apologise when you have wronged your spouse. Live considerately with each other in the Lord.

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