Matters of the heart

He told me he got divorced in January 2010 and we got married in January this year. I have just learnt that the ex-wife is eight months pregnant for him. He has not denied responsibility of the pregnancy though he says he still loves me and insists that his ex-wife moves in with us. I dont know what to do, Im so stressed, and I dont want to be his second wife. Should I wait for his ex to come, please help? – Troubled Wife

Dear Troubled Wife

Well if he told you that he still loves you there is no reason we should dispute that, what he may have not told you however may be that he still loves her too. His ex-wifes pregnancy is certainly his responsibility now and Im afraid there is nothing you can do to change that.

But he needs to be clear with you if it is only the unborn child he feels he needs to create a bond with or the mother too. You cannot blame the ex-wife for all that is happening, she is just another sister fighting for her failed marriage she is probably not aware that you are even in his mans life.

Your husband made a big mistake. He failed to make a decision of what he wanted with his love life moving on or work on his past marriage – and found himself caught in between. But at this stage blaming him will not change the situation. You need to accept the situation and decide what you want. If you do not wish to be his second wife it then means you will be moving out. But if he insists he still loves you and you still feel the same for him turning your back on him may result in facing an unhappy life you will live regretting. Follow your heart dear. – Gracey

I cant face the pain

Dear Gracey

I am a 22-year-old woman who is happily married and expecting our first baby. I am three months pregnant and I get afraid sometimes of the pain of going through labour. A lot of people have told me of their painful experiences while giving birth and sometimes I just think that I am too young to experience that. Some women say they will never have a kid again after labour, but two years down the line they are seen pregnant. So I really wonder how painful it is. Is it a cause for me to worry since I will pass through that phase in six months time? Is the pain avoidable? – Big Belly

Dear Big Belly

Tell you what my little sister, if you treat pregnancy as a burden everything that comes with it will surely be a harrowing experience to you and you will hate every moment of your nine months. The package of all side effects that includes morning sickness, the heartburn, nausea etc and of course loss of your sexy structure to a big belly will all be some sort of punishment to you.

Being pregnant is a big blessing women got from God and most men have come to respect the opposite sex for their strength during this period. It is one of the major reasons why my husband has so much respect for women. He says men would never be able to take the pain women go through.

But the main blessing is the amazing gift of carrying life inside your womb for nine months. No one but you is closer to that unborn child more than you are. You feel the baby kick and move this is just one thing all women look forward to during pregnancy. You will soon experience that in the fifth month and worrying about labour will only rob you of these great moments.

I cannot tell how painful labour is because I have never been there myself but its not something that will worry me when the time comes, all that will be on my mind is the honour of giving life and holding a baby I will call my own. So whatever pain they (other women) have told you about, believe me it is worth going through, that is why they are always back in labour again.

Doctors however say that the pain may be minimized if you are to exercise some stretches during your pregnancy. It will flex your muscles and ready them for labour. But the bottom line is that you have no reason to worry, enjoy your blessing and inspire other women. – Gracey

Home is my prison

Dear Gracey

I am disappointed that my parents want to choose a career for me. Im a young man aged 19 and my passion lies in playing cricket as a profession but my parents wish I become an accountant. This is my life isnt it? I dont find any reason why they feel they have the right to choose a career for me. I appreciate all the sacrifices they made to educate me but its not like I have chose to become a thief at Mbare musika. Sometimes I just feel like running away from home because its slowly turning into a prison. Am I really wrong in having this desire to follow my dreams Gracey? What is the best thing to do under such circumstance? – Cricket Star

Dear Cricket Star

You are just one angry young man right now but otherwise later in life you will understand where your parents are coming from. Of course I do not support the idea that your parents choose a career for you, their dream must not be your dream. But they are the people who care so much about you, insisting that you take a career in accounting over sport may be pushed by their knowledge of how secure that profession is compared to cricket.

They just dont want to see you choosing a way that will see a no through road sign ahead and they are probably foreseeing it right now. You need to convince them how cricketers like Zimbabweans Alistair Campbell, Mpumie Mbangwa, Grant and Andy Flower are earning a living out of the sport. And there is certainly no rule that says you cant do both. You can build a career as an accountant and still be a cricket star. Do not limit yourself when you have the wings to fly.

Running away from home will not be a solution to your problem but you will be creating another one. As much as you are angry and disappointed at your parents right now, still deep down your heart you love them and will not want to lose them.

Try to make them develop an interest in cricket, understand how the game is played and have them to come and watch you play at times. They will probably see how good you are and you will be surprised they could become your number one fans. – Gracey