He said he had fallen in love with another woman who already had children, whom he later married.
Chibanda has lost faith in marriage – convinced that it is impossible without being able to bear children. She is thinking of becoming a nun.
“Being unable to bear children is clearly not my choice. It is unfortunate that our society regards it as a curse,” she told The Zimbabwean. “I have forgiven my ex-husband for how he treated me, but there is need for people to change their attitude towards women who are infertile,” she added.
Many women without children continue to suffer from social rejection and are made to feel personally inadequate, says Betty Chishava, Chairperson and Founder of Chipo Chedu Society, a support organisation for childless women.
For the past 18 years, Chishava has been lobbying for a shift from a negative societal attitude towards childless women through public education campaigns, counselling and empowerment of those affected by infertility.
“By virtue of being involuntarily childless, women are disadvantaged and marginalised. I have embarked on projects that seek to address problems arising from childlessness, starting with a change of societal attitude towards this issue as it leads to the breakup of marriages,” she said.
“De-stigmatising childlessness among all groups of people in Zimbabwe through increased awareness and acceptance of the problem has helped reduce the spread of HIV/AIDS. We have staged dramas with follow up discussion sessions all around the country. In rural areas I have tried to educate communities to assist childless couples by integrating them in all activities rather than neglecting them,” she said.
When a pregnancy fails to materialise, women are always blamed, said Chishava, relating the agony she had also been through for 25 years after failing to bear a child.
“I was publicly humiliated and my relatives and friends did not accept me. They even called me names just to remind me that I was a childless woman. But my husband was never provoked,” she said.
While women are easily ejected from marriages, men’s infertility is mostly concealed at all costs, with families sometimes going to the extent of clandestinely agreeing with the man’s brother to impregnate his wife and keeping it a secret.
This exposes partners to sexually transmitted diseases and has resulted in tragedy when the husband discovers what has happened.
“From sharing my experience with women who are barren, I realised that at times the pressure exerted on an infertile women can be too much and this puts some people at the risk of contracting HIV/AIDS by having multiple partners in an attempt to fall pregnant,” Chishava said.
According to a 2003 research by Health Care Women International on the fertility patterns of women in Zimbabwe, at least one in every four women of childbearing age suffers from some degree of infertility.
Zimbabwe has one of the world’s highest infertility rates along with other southern African countries such as Botswana, Namibia and Lesotho according to a 2010 World Population Prospect survey.
Chishava tries to replace the support childless women have lost through their families and community.
“I talk to women about the nature of their relationships, whether their partner beats them, why they believe they haven’t conceived, their feelings on adoption, if they’ve ever visited a specialist, or attended counselling or skills training workshops,” she said.
Chipo Chedu Society was formed in 1998 by Chishava and two other barren women. It employs 42 women based in small towns around Zimbabwe.
Post published in: News