Dear Aunty Lisa,
I am a boy aged 22 and I recently slept with a girl for the first time. For the last week I have been experiencing pain when I urinate and sometimes I can’t even walk properly. It is scaring me that I have disappointed my parents. Do you think I have AIDS? What do I do, I’m panicking and even thinking of suicide? – T-Boy
Dear T-Boy,
Ending your life is not the solution to this problem. You will only be causing a lot of pain to those who love you most. Your parents and your family will be deeply hurt. I think you are a young man who wants to live to make them proud and you can still do that. You are very young and you have lots of years ahead to achieve a lot.
You need to visit a doctor and get tested. You may have contracted sexually transmitted diseases that can be cured. Hiding it and keeping it a secret will only worsen the situation.
Visit a testing and counselling centre and know your status. You will receive professional counselling on what exactly the problem is and how you can overcome with. Kick those suicide thoughts out of your head and know that you are still loved. – Aunty Lisa
Albino acceptance
Dear Aunty Lisa,
I have a three-year-old son with my ex-girlfriend. I have been married for three years now and I have a two-year-old daughter with my wife.
I recently discovered that I have a son after my ex confronted me. Why she has kept quiet for this long is another long story but the bottom line is I know the boy is mine and I want to be responsible. I have since told my wife about it who has accepted it and supported me. The problem now is my family accepting an albino child.
My three-year-old son is albino; which is one of the reasons his mother took so long to tell me. My family has always castigated albinos, even openly to those who had one in their rural home. It is well known that they hate not only albinos but even cross-racial marriages.
When I told them that I wanted to marry in 2010, the first thing my father asked was, “haasi murungu handiti?” (She is not white right?). Their hatred of whites goes back to the colonial era and their denial of albinos is a matter of our archaic culture. I just don’t know how to tell them. He is supposed to be staying with my wife in our rural home and I am sure he will be an embarrassment. What do I do? I love my boy? – George
Dear George,
God may have given you this child not just as a blessing to you but to your family; their grandson may change the way your parents hate other races and albinos.
There is no better way for them to deal with their prejudice than by living with their grandson. You will be surprised when they say they do not even know why they made a fuss about albinism. After all, it is easy for people to criticise things done by sons and daughters from other families. Once their son is the subject, they may even live to praise what they once castigated.
I understand you know your parents better, but stop assuming that they will not accept your son until you introduce him. The important thing is you love him and your wife has accepted him. He will have lots of love from the three people who matter most in his life. He needs a lot of support and love and I have no doubt that the three of you can give him that. Being shown that he is an outcast and different is one thing he does not need. So, if your parents do not approve of him, you will need to stand by him and live with your family where you are so that you create that warm and loving environment he needs. Keep loving. – Aunty Lisa.
Critical father
Dear Aunty Lisa,
My father is always criticizing me. He does that with all his kids, but I don’t like it at all. He does not seem to believe in me and he is always looking at things I do in a negative light. I am always disappointed when I share my dreams with him and he shoots them down. I need some encouragement and all he does is criticise. Should I do things secretly behind his back? – Brian
Dear Brian,
It is not a crime to keep your dreams to yourself. I am not sure though whether your father’s criticism is constructive or not but I know that any father would want to see his son or daughter successful.
Maybe he criticises and fails to focus on the possible chances of overcoming the challenges. You need the criticism, it makes you a better person but that is not all you need. You need some encouragement too. Usually mothers are very good at that, you need to balance your feedback by sharing your dreams with your mother as well.
It is good to have your father highlighting your obstacles, when you go out there you will be better informed of the dangers. At the same time, you will have a lot to prove to your father. He will be proud of you for bulldozing through the barriers he thought unbreakable. You can do it, it is up to you to keep your head high and know that all challenges can be overcome. Good Luck. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle