Matters of heart, 17 November 2013

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am in good books with my boss, he is always helping me a lot to do my work. He appreciates my work and his wife is just not kind to me. Whenever she visits the office she gives me a cold shoulder -I am not sure why. My boss has told me that they are having problems and he plans to leave her. He is so happy around me and I like him as well. Will it be wrong to date him? – Cassandra

Dear Cassandra

That is the oldest trick in the book that men use to cheat on their wives. They say we are having problems, we are on separation blah blah blah! What rubbish! He should solve their problems and leave you alone. You are young and having a good relationship with your boss at work is not a bad thing. But you should not start a relationship with him just because he is nice to you. You need not feel responsible for making him happy, leave that to his wife.

You can still be good workmates with your boss without dating. Be professional and know where to draw the line with him. Be very careful or you could actually find yourself without a job. Dating a married man is always a mistake and in my experience it always ends up in heartache and pain. – Aunty Lisa

Stabbed in the back

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am having problems winning my man back. He was stolen by a woman I called my friend. I told her everything about my relationship and she went on to stab me in the back. My boyfriend has been seeing her for three months now while lying to me that he is busy and that he needs some space. How do I get him back? – Mimi

Dear Mimi

My sister, this man is not an object that can be stolen without any resistance. He played along and he loved it. Your man is not “stolen” – he is going out with your friend. He has proved that he is not interested in you and you need to let him go. He is not worthy of your love. You and your former friend are being played by this man who appears gold to you both. He is not worth fighting for, move on with your life and find someone else. – Aunty Lisa

Long distance?

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am in a long-distance relationship for the first time. I met this guy last December and we have been communicating once in a while on Facebook because he is normally offline. He proposed to me and I fell in love. But communication has been a problem, he hardly communicates and I am the only one who only calls him. His brothers always call me though. What do I do? – T.T

Dear T.T

You need to talk to your boyfriend and let him know what you expect from him as your man. The bad thing with long distance relationships is that you do not have quality time to express each other’s feelings. Communication is vital in any relationship. You need to consider seriously whether this is the type of relationship you want. His brothers are not the ones you are in love with and they will not stop him from dating any other woman wherever he is. Do not be comforted by the fact that you talk to his relatives. Your man is the person you need to be closer to than anyone else. If he is not prepared to invest time, effort and money in communicating with you then it is better that you stop the relationship right now before you are badly hurt. – Aunty Lisa

I’m Positive

Dear Aunty Lisa

I recently learnt that I am HIV Positive. I am still finding it hard to believe – though I knew very well that it was a possibility. The challenge I have is telling my parents. I am mature enough to take care of myself, but I feel bad if I am to keep it to myself. Must I tell them? – Sexy Pee

Dear Sexy Pee

They are your family and they deserve to know – even though of course they will be devastated. They are the people who will stand by you and give you all the necessary support. But at the same time, it is not a MUST to tell them. Your being HIV Positive does not affect their health, so you should only tell them if you want to.

It is different when it is someone you are going out with. That person needs to know so that you decide on methods of preventing the spread of the disease. But anyone else it is entirely up to you. But I suggest you do it when you are prepared, you need to accept the reality of your status first before you share it. Prepare yourself for some reactions. While you have accepted and got used to the news, your family hasn’t and they may be in shock and react in an unexpected way. You will need to accept how they will react because it is something you cannot control. Most importantly you need to explain to them that you need their support. – Aunty Lisa

Loving Wife

Dear Aunty Lisa

My husband’s sister is in Australia and we are a Zimbabwean couple living in South Africa. My husband was married before to a woman who later left him for another man. My sister-in-law is always telling me with an impolite tone that I should be faithful to her brother. We have never met but only talk on the phone. It pisses me off every time she does that. She is always checking on me as if I am a little girl. I don’t want to tell my husband how upset it makes me because I don’t want him to be caught in between the woman he loves and her sister. What do I do? – Mrs L.

Dear Mrs L.

Your sister-in-law is suffering from the memory of what happened to her brother in his previous marriage and she is comparing you with his ex. That is very wrong – but you need to understand she may be doing it subconsciously and because she loves her brother very much. You need to make it clear to her that you love and care for her brother so much that you will never cheat on him. You just need to have an honest conversation with her and let her know that she does not need to remind you to be faithful and check on you as she does. Tell her how it makes you feel – in a calm tone. Let her know the loving wife you are. – Aunty Lisa