I am a Zimbabwean man in South Africa and I read the paper and your column made me think of asking you something. There is a young South African woman I have been friends with for some time now and she seems not to understand that I only want her as a friend. I mean she seems to be looking forward to taking this friendship to the next step. She comes and cooks for me, does my laundry and spends the whole day at my flat until I chase her home for the reason that it will be late. I see her as my friend and I don’t anticipate anything more.
How do I deal with her because she comes to my room to do all the stuff for me and I am afraid she will be disappointed or I will end up in a relationship I am not committed to? – Tongai
You need to be open with this friend of yours. It’s difficult to directly tell her that you do not have feelings for her because she has not said anything along those lines – but she certainly is acting like that – or else maybe she is just being helpful? But you need to sit her down and just talk to her about what a good friend she is and how much you appreciate her.
Let her know that you would like to be best friends forever but that there is no chance of romance developing between with you. Just swimming along with the tide and letting yourself get into a relationship you do not really want or are not committed to will be cruel. she needs to know the truth – no matter how painful – sooner rather than later. – Aunty LisaPost published in: Lifestyle