The truth will emerge

The final leg of the Zanu (PF) provincial elections turned ugly, amid allegations of voter’s roll tampering. Riot police had to intervene. In the end the truth emerges, even when so-called impartial observers tried hard to conceal it.

Jacob Zuma, seeing a fellow ‘struggle icon’ pressed against the ropes by a hard-punching Lindiwe Zulu, gagged his subordinate, sparing Bob a verbal beating from a girl. When asked about the fairness of the July 31 election, Obasanjo prevaricated – ‘Free, yes.’ Shrug of the shoulders, ‘fair, maybe.’ Now the truth emerges. In a den of thieves, men swallow their wristwatches and jewellery at bedtime, knowing that if they blink, their arms will be hacked off. Remember the old playground song, ‘mbavha gororo, chenjera kuba.’ (Beware, the thief will rob you or, rather, Rob you).

National chairman, Simon Khaya-Moyo said the elections were held in an ‘atmosphere of peace,’ which is strange because when the riot squad arrive, wielding truncheons, it normally means ‘peace’ is absent.

Apparently, the Mujuru-led faction has won the majority, placing the VP in pole position to succeed Mugabe in the event that – Heaven forbid – he keels over and dies while giving an anti-Britain speech.

Beware of the Dog

For its provincial elections, Zanu (PF) commandeered police and the CIO. So while taxpayers were being mugged in the streets, ZRP were on Zanu (PF) duty. From whose pocket will Zanu (PF) pay state security for this extracurricular work? One can see the reason behind Morgan Tsvangirai’s call for security sector reforms. For 33 years security forces have been employed as the party’s attack dog. ‘Saa, ruma Bingo! Get’em boy!’

Wanted Down South

The South African Supreme Court has instructed that country’s police to investigate Zimbabwean senior security officers for human rights violations committed in Zimbabwe. The case was brought to court by Zimbabwe Exiles Forum and the Southern Africa Litigation Centre. In 2008, torture camps were set up in the rural areas of Zimbabwe where militia unleashed a terror campaign in which over 200 people were killed. However, neutrals may want to know if South Africa’s justice system is any better than that of Zimbabwe. The SAPS, guilty of the slaughter of Marikana miners remain unpunished and South Africans responsible for killing foreigners walk freely.

It would be naive to expect the ANC to sit back, while Mugabe’s henchmen are hauled to court. It was the ANC that threw Mugabe a lifejacket – through Mbeki’s dodgy unity pact – when Bob was torpedoed by Tsvangirai in the 2008 election.

Zimbabwe’s prosecutor general, Johannes Tomana is foaming at the mouth, muttering dementedly about ‘diplomatic row.’ As far as we know, prosecutors are pro-justice. It should not matter whether justice is served in Bujumbura, Mars or South Africa. Unless of course Tomana fears his employers have something to hide.

Champions of Democracy

New Africa magazine has released a list of 100 most influential Africans, which includes Econet’s Strive Masiyiwa and Booker nominated author, NoViolet Bulawayo. It is a punch to the nose of Zanu (PF). Neither of these luminaries are on the party’s Christmas card list. Zanu (PF), seeking to control communication networks, attempted to thwart the launch of Econet, while NoViolet Bulawayo’s debut novel, We Need New Names, is critical of Mugabe. Sounds like good reason for congratulations!

Go Go Gono

Gideon Gono has resigned from his post as RBZ Governor. We are giddy with joy. We will be even giddier, Giddy, if the man whose oppressive regime you propped up through unorthodox monetary policies – a man not known for mercy – will cotton on to your sly parting shot: ‘Even the law recognises that this is a lengthy period (10years) and says one must leave to give way to a new occupant.’

During the tenure of the man who said ‘failure is not an option,’ several banks collapsed, the Zimdollar fell to world record worthlessness and bank queues snaked around blocks, causing the ever-creative citizenry to coin words like ‘Gonorrhoea’ and ‘Gidiot’ – a word formed by uniting Gideon and ‘idiot.’ There was no forex to buy medicine for government hospitals, yet there was enough to provide plasma televisions to electricityless, Zanu (PF) diehard chiefs in exchange for rural votes. Holders of FCAs, will remember Gono for looting their bank accounts. Let there be no warm goodbyes, for under Gono’s watch, ordinary Zimbabweans suffered.

Cooking the Audit Report

The $300,000 Chitungwiza land audit ordered by Ignatius Chombo is complete and was expected on 26 November. But this being the same party that withheld 2008 election results for a month, the audit is still under Chombo’s hat. They are probably still trying to cook the report, which most likely shows Zanu (PF) bigwigs in shady land deals.

Meanwhile, there appears to be a softening of stance by government as the UN will monitor the demolition of illegal structures.

Speaking of tardy reports, finance minister, Patrick Chinamasa has still not announced the 2014 budget, which was due in early November. It is nobler to admit to incompetence than to continue to fumble in the dark.


Jessie Majome – MP Harare West – has vehemently refused to pay for a ZTV license and taken the ZBC to the ConCourt, stating that watching ZTV violates her constitutional rights. She makes a valid point. Apart from the substandard service, the broadcaster is pro-Zanu (PF), forcing viewers to endure party ideology. It is no surprise that, even when privatisation will ensure profitability, Zanu (PF) prefer to keep ZBC as a loss-making parastatal, as they do not want to lose an important propaganda machine. This is what constituents expect from their MPs, not parliamentary debates about buying four-by-four trucks. It is ridiculous that the DeadBC and police arrived at Majome’s residence in a pack, as if expecting her to challenge them to fisticuffs. When required for important cases, ZRP tell us ‘hatina transport’ yet here they were, in droves, pursuing a TV license defaulter.


This trumps the OJ Simpson trial and we wait on the edges of our seats for the outcome.

Human rights lawyer, Beatrice Mtetwa, has been acquitted of the fictitious charge of obstructing justice. Mtetwa asked to see a warrant, when police attempted to arrest her client. By ZRP logic, this constituted ‘obstruction.’ The whole point of arresting Mtetwa was to neutralise perceived threats ahead of elections. With the polls out of the way, Mtetwa is no longer regarded as a threat – for now.

Feast & Famine

The United Methodist Committee on Relief will feed starving villagers in Uzumba Maramba Pfungwe until the next harvest. Next week, in stark contrast to the hunger in Uzumba, the air in Chinhoyi will be pregnant with the aroma of burning meat, as Zanu (PF) holds its annual binge, expected to cost $3million. At a previous conference, 160 beasts were slaughtered. Yet somehow Uzumba remains unwaveringly loyal to a party that starves them. It is not only puppies that give unthinking loyalty. – Till next week, my pen is capped. Jerà

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