Rescued by Namibia

Unable to feed and house the 19,000 people affected by the recent floods, his ministers begged for help from the international community. Namibia, once viewed as the little brother, came to Zimbabwe’s aid, allowing us the use of three helicopters to support our depleted fleet.

Despite failing find money of our own to assist the vulnerable, when the time came for Mugabe to blow out 90 candles on a cake the size of a snooker table, Zanu (PF) had very little trouble finding the cash – $1M by unofficial estimates – and this only 2 months after the party squandered $3M at its December congress.

No longer are Mugabe’s lickspittles merely content with capturing and presenting him with pangolins. Apart from children parroting the obsequious poems of their parents, he received a bejewelled throne, which state media will have us believe was carved ‘for free,’ by an artist. As if there was ever a free diamond or free ounce of gold on this planet.

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