Chihuri’s pass-out parade

It has not been a great week for the police. ZRP Commissioner Augustine Chihuri – the man who vowed to ‘never salute a president without liberation war credentials’ – collapsed, metres away from President Mugabe, in a pile of medals and spit-polished shoes, during a pass-out parade for cadets.


When most people rouse from a blackout, the first question they ask is ‘what happened’ or ‘where am I?’ But Chihuri’s first thought was to rebuke his footwear – you bad, bad shoe! – before hastily composing an elegy to Mugabe’s fitness. Such is his undying devotion. Or fear.

A few days after Chihuri had taken the phrase ‘pass-out parade’ a little too literally and the nation had seen the feared Commissioner General with feet in the air, the ZRP anti-riot squad took its truncheons and reputation of brutality to Budiriro, intending to disband the Johanne Masowe sect led by Ishmael Mutani, following reports of child abuse.

They found that the shepherd’s staff is mightier than the baton. News sites were abuzz with photographs of cops running or lying in the dirt, with tails between legs like underdogs in an ill-matched fight. Social networking sites were clogged with celebratory messages punctuated with ‘LOL’ and ‘kikikiki!’

Police returned to Budiriro with reinforcements, seeking to restore their dented reputation, like the rugby playing school bully who has been embarrassed by the sucker punch of a chess nerd. Police spokesperson, Charity Charamba, was as always snarling her warning of ‘dealing with’ the culprits. Police have made arrests but most of the sect members have abandoned their shrine and gone into hiding. It is no doubt essential for the shamed force to dust itself off and return to the scene of their beating as a softening of stance can be interpreted as weakness in a place where fear is an essential ingredient of government.

Post published in: News

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