I don’t understand Nyadzisai, but I salute her

She supported him through what many perceived could have been the worst period of her life. She stood by her husband and his second wife, even ‘blessing’ the union and silencing critics. What generated so much interest in the Macheso/Tafadzwa relationship was that it was just after the late musician Tongai Moyo’s wife had committed suicide, because the musician had moved his younger wife into their home.

Nyadzisai, even called Tafadzwa her ‘younger sister’ and the two quickly had a good rapport. The media circulated pictures where the trio – Macheso, Nyadzisai and Tafadzwa seemed comfortable with each other. I suppose men with more than one wife or who are harbouring thoughts of doing so, wished their first wives had Nyadzisai’s character.

A woman so strong that she could take the public scorn of a second wife and a third wife in a stride. A woman so accepting that she could form part of the delegation of to pay lobola for her co-wives. A woman so understanding that she could not bring herself to publicly speak ill of her husband’s new loves or let her anger and frustrations show.

Now her husband is involved in a scandalous, dirty and public altercation with his second wife and again… many men in Macheso’s situation so wish they had a first wife with Nyadzisai’s strength. She has been by his side as he made his court appearance, when Tafadzwa claimed maintenance from the courts for the upkeep of their two children.

I spoke to a few women and realised that women like Nyadzisai have become few and far between. Although many women, more than men give their marriages chances and do everything in their power to save their marriages or relationships, more and more women are opening themselves to other options.

This can be attributed to the economic options that women now have. Women have access to money and as such can choose, if they so wish to leave a relationship they deem abusive or not working. But it would seem the stigma of being divorced or being labeled a single parent still weighs heavy on women in making a decision to leave a failed union.

“I totally understand even when economically empowered women do everything in their power to stay in marriages that seem to be going nowhere. Women are homemakers and they are not the first to pack their bags when something goes wrong. They think of their children first before anything else. When a woman finally decides she is fed up, more often than not, she would have given it her all. On the other hand, I respect women with the backbone to stand up for themselves, despite the labels that come their way. In this day of HIV and AIDS, sometimes leaving a failed marriage is the best decision you can do for yourself and your children,” said one woman.

I for one do not understand Nyadzisai but I salute her and many others like her. She smiles through what some commit suicide for.