Dear Aunty Lisa
I’m 22 years old and I’m going out with a guy who is 26. I have been employed for two months now. I met this guy at work. I’m concerned about how he is acting these days. He is sort of giving me a cold shoulder. He used to call me, drive me home and spend lunch hours with me. He insisted that we keep our relationship a secret and I understood because it will be bad to get the attention of people at work. But my problem is that I feel like I’m losing him. I wouldn’t have worried much if I had not slept with him three weeks ago. I don’t know now is why he is suddenly changing after taking away my virginity? Isn’t it that he should be coming even closer to me knowing that he is the only man who has done that with me? I don’t want to be a loser Aunty; I now regret losing my virginity to him. It makes me feel so used sometimes and I have lost my confidence at work. What should I do to make sure I don’t lose him? – PD
Making a mistake once doesn’t make you a bad person or a loser, so you need not to live your life regretting. But you do need to realize that you have made a big mistake in giving away something so precious to a man you only recently met. Make sure you learn from this.
From what you have said, I have a feeling that this guy may be married. There is nothing wrong in people knowing that you two are in love if you are both single. Having found you a virgin he should have appreciated you. You are one girl any decent man would not want to lose the moment he finds you. You need to sit down and talk to him, find out why he has changed like this. Also get someone you trust at your workplace who can find out whether he is married or not.
I know it will be heart-breaking to find that the guy is married if he is, but don’t let your pain get the better of you. Be strong and walk out of his life. Avoid having relationships at workplaces or with people you will not be able to avoid when the relationship is over in future. You need to focus on your profession and not let your social life affect your performance at work. – Aunty Lisa
Weight loss tips?
Please help me on tips of losing weight. I weigh 85kg and I’m not happy with my body. Someone advised me on going to the gym and I have been doing that for the past month but I have since gained 3kgs. Instead of losing I’m actually gaining weight. Gym is not helping me, sometimes I think I should starve myself but then it’s just not healthy as well. I really hate being fat. What should I really do to get rid of this weight? – Miss Biggie
Dear Miss Biggie
It is good advice for you to go to the gym, but while burning fat exercise can also increase your appetite. It is what and how one eats after the exercise that determines whether he/she will lose or gain weight.
It is no use when you come back and eat double the portion of food you usually eat. Get your trainer to advise you on the food you need to be eating to lose weight. Basically you need to avoid drinking liquids with a lot of sugar, abstain from eating fried foods (they contain fat) and junk foods (chocolates, ice creams etc). Be sure to include lots of fruit and vegetables with every meal. – Aunty Lisa
Boyfriend blames me
I’m in trouble! I’m 22 and still living with my parents. Last week I found out that I’m pregnant but my boyfriend is sort of blaming me for it. He says he is not ready to start a family this year and he suggests we abort the baby. I have no doubt he loves me and he wants to be with me but I’m afraid of losing him if I keep the baby. I have always been free to talk to my mum about anything but I’m afraid if she knows of this pregnancy she will kill me. Should I really abort this baby? – Bee
The first thing you need to know is that if anyone is to take the blame for this unplanned pregnancy it should be both you and your boyfriend. He needs to stop putting the blame on you to shoulder it alone.There is never the right time to settle down and most of the married women and men out there never really planned when to marry but still they are happy in their marriages.
Abortion is a crime in Zimbabwe that can attract a heavy sentence of up to five years in prison or more. But more than that, it has been proved that abortion causes awful psychological problems for many women and can lead to infertility.
I would advise you to convince him to forget about abortion. A baby is a gift from God and this may be termed an “unwanted pregnancy” today but you will be happy to see that child growing up to be the pillar of happiness in your life.
You have always talked to your mother so I do not see why you cannot about this too. Obviously she will be disappointed but we both pray that she will take the news calmly though she may be shocked. – Aunty LisaPost published in: Lifestyle