Matters of the heart

He beats me

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am a married woman with three kids. My husband beats me up. I am no longer enjoying my marriage like I used to. I suspect he is having an affair. The reasons he beat me up for are just lame and he will bash me whenever he finds any silly excuse. He would beat me up if I ask him if he has got paid yet or how much. Some men do not want to be asked these questions declaring that women have no right to. But I always asked him earlier in our marriage and he had no problem. We used to discuss everything and share every problem. But these days he is just behaving as if he wants me to be pissed off and walk out of his life. I can take any form of abuse but the physical one is something I just can’t handle. – Mrs H.

Dear Mrs H.

No woman should be subject to any form of abuse and it would be heartless of anyone to expect you to endure the physical abuse you are under. There is nothing wrong with asking your husband the questions you asked. In fact, there is nothing wrong in asking your husband anything. He is the one person you should be free to talk to about anything. One’s husband or wife is a friend, the one to confide in, and the one to walk by your side urging you on in difficult times.

Since you have noted that it is a sudden behaviour in your husband. It is important to note which topics frustrate him most. He may be having some problems at work or elsewhere that are turning him into a monster. As much as it is unfair that you are on the receiving end, you are the only person who can get him help and change his unacceptable behaviour. You can talk to a close relative of his about the issue, someone respects in his family. Get him/her to try and talk to him about it.

Domestic violence is unacceptable. If the problem persists without any change for the better even after relatives intervene it is important that you visit organisations such as Msasa Project that will be able to help. You were not born to be some other human being’s punching bag. – Aunty Lisa.

Salary too low

Dear Aunty Lisa

I have just started my attachment with a big reputable organisation. I am greatly disappointed and disgruntled by the salaries they are giving interns. I was looking forward to working hoping that I can buy my parents some stuff as a way to thank them for educating me. Will I be unreasonable to confront my bosses for a pay rise or a consideration for a salary review? – J.B Junior

Dear J.B Junior

When you are on an industrial attachment your main objective should not be to make money. You are there to gain experience and learn the practical aspect of the profession you chose. I know it feels like you are being used, but smile and know that you are gaining something at the end of the day. Take advantage each time you are assigned something by your superiors to make it a learning experience. Then you will look back in future and say they have been cruel in order to be kind.

I am sure your parents understand that this is still part of a learning phase, and they cannot really expect you to buy them anything much at this stage.

Do not put yourself under pressure to return the favour to your parents as yet. Focus on gaining experience, which will be important in giving you the power and authority to demand the salary you see fit from your future bosses. – Aunty Lisa

Who is wrong here?

Dear Aunty Lisa

My female friends saw my husband cooking while I was relaxed watching a television show when they visited my house. They have since been going on and on about how I am so “disrespectful” of him and how I am a “disgrace” to womankind. It is not like he cooks all the time.

He is just a person who does not mind doing things for me and helping me. Sometimes he even takes our six-month-old daughter on a piggy back. I love him so much and he loves me back. I have never taken advantage of him and abused him as they claim. Everything he does is for the love of his family and wife. Is there something wrong with this or it is just my crazy friends? – Mai Pee

Dear Mai Pee

You do not need to justify why your husband does the work around the house while you are relaxing. You just need to learn marriage is all about husband and wife.

It is never about husband, wife and her friends. If you husband enjoys cooking for you there is certainly nothing wrong with that. It is our appreciation of what they do that is of uttermost importance. Do not let your friends hurt his pride with such comments like “ndokudyiswa manje uku!” (you have been hypnotised by some love potion).

You need to be there for you man and show him that you love him for who he is and that he is special and unique. Carrying your baby on his back is just so sweet of him. He appreciates the nine months you carried that baby and the pain you endured giving life.

Do not listen much to what your friends say and avoid inviting them over often if they are the type of friends who record every move in your house and produce a fiction movie out of it. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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