Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a man aged 25 and I have been married for a year now. My wife and my family do not understand each other. My family says she is so disrespectful of me and they don’t appreciate the way she talks to me and everyone in my family. My wife on the other hand complains that my family has too many expectations of her and she hates them for not appreciating her. I have tried everything to make them relate but failed.
I end up in the spot of having to choose between the woman I love so much and my family. They expect me to comment each time they make complaints about each other to me. It is now giving me a headache. I love them both and I just want them to get along. What can I do? – Morris
Dear Morris
You do not have to choose between your wife and your family even though they are pushing you to do that. They need to know that you will not do that and then they will stop taking turns to complain to you.
If you have tried to explain to your family that your wife is the woman you chose and they still do not understand and respect that, then you need to tell them not to come to you with any complaints about her. The same goes for your wife. She needs to appreciate that your family has been a part of you for the past 25 years and it will be unfair to you to have to part with them because of love. You wife needs to understand that you cannot turn your back on them.
While your family may be right that your wife is disrespectful of you, who are they to judge? How you and your wife relate is between the two of you only. If you do not see anything wrong with her behaviour and you appreciate and love her, then that is a good enough reason to stand by her. While it may be true that your family have too many expectations of your wife, she needs to understand them, know how they are and be able to interact with them because at the end of the day you are all family. It is important that she comes out in the open and explains to them that what they expect from her is just too much, though she will try her best to be a good wife to you. Both parties need to respect each other and realize that they are both a big pillar in your life. Communication is the key here. – Aunty Lisa
Sex after 4 weeks?
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a woman aged 25 and my boyfriend has asked me if we can take our relationship to the next level. We have been dating for four weeks now and he is asking me for sex. I don’t know if I should trust him on that level yet but I don’t want to lose him still. I am afraid if I say no to him he will leave me and he is just too special to let go. Please advise? – Lilly
Dear Lilly
I am sorry to disappoint you if you are expecting me to tell you to have sex with your boyfriend or not. That is not my decision to make; it can only be your decision. My advice to you is that you follow your heart. Right now you are in doubt of the whole issue. I take it from what you have said that you don’t know your man enough to trust him yet. You are not yet in love my dear. Of course you find him attractive that is why you see him as a precious gold you cannot let go, but you need not use sex as a way to keep him.
The moment he realizes that you cannot say no to him he will start taking advantage of it and use you. If you are not ready for it you have every right to say no and if he cannot understand that, it should tell you something about his character. Make your own decision, sex is a most precious gift to be shared with the one person you want to spend your life with – not someone you have known for a short four weeks. – Aunty Lisa
Don’t fight the tears
Dear Aunty Lisa
My mother recently passed away and I am left to take care of my young sister and brother. I am the eldest daughter at 25. I know I have to be strong for them. I have a good job and will manage to help them with their education. I am not yet married and so have no one special in my life yet who I can trust with a shoulder to cry on. My problem is that the thought of my mother’s death sometimes creeps inside me and leaves me so weak that l end up crying. I have to be my siblings’ pillar of strength but I fear l may fail them. How can I be there for them without a tear on my face? – Mumless
Dear Mumless
Losing a mother or someone close is never easy. We always try to be strong but it is not easy. There is nothing wrong with you crying, it is the right response to the pain you are going through. So if you feel like crying make sure you do. Do not fight back your tears because you will only be holding on to your pain and it will live with you for a long time.
You may not want your siblings to see you cry, but it is good to teach them that crying is not bad in such a sad situation. It is not a sign of weakness – it is a normal response to the tragedies of life over which we have no control. At times we just need to give ourselves some space and cry our pain out. It may be a bad idea crying in their presence but you should know you are not superhuman and it is okay for you to cry. The idea is not about to forget your mother but accept that she is gone and live to make her proud. I have no doubt that you will be able to stand up for your brother and sister. I wish you all the best. – Aunty Lisa.
Post published in: Lifestyle