Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a woman aged 24, I have been married for four months now. I live with my in-laws and I feel most of the time my husband is controlled by his sisters and mother. Our marriage is in their hands. I can’t even discuss anything with my husband and come to a decision without their interference. Sometimes we agree on something and he changes his mind some days later if he shares it with his family. I love my husband so much and I will do anything to fight for my marriage.
But how can I convince him that he needs to be making his own decisions, without his family? – Amy
Dear Amy
It is tricky when a man remains attached to his family that much. Your husband needs to know that he has a new family now. It is one thing asking for advice, but quite another having other people decide for one. It is important that he realises that you are now his partner, friend and wife – and the one he needs to be making decisions with.
You need to sit down with him and calmly discuss how you see things. He needs to realize that you feel he is side-lining you and disregarding your position as his wife. It is unfortunate if you cannot move out to live in your own place. You really need your own space to start your own life together. Your husband’s family will always have a way into your lives because they care about their brother. But they need to know where to draw the line – and the temptation of sticking their noses into your issues will always be irresistible to them if you are living together. So it will help you a lot if you can find your own space. Until then, don’t give up, keep communicating calmly and be patient. – Aunty Lisa
Pregnant too soon
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am expecting my second child and my first one is only a year old. We had not planned this with my husband but somehow I got pregnant while using birth control pills. I don’t know how to tell my husband that l’m pregnant. It has been two weeks since l found out. I think l’m two months pregnant. Should l get an abortion? – Nervous Mum
Dear Nervous Mum
I will definitely not encourage you to kill that unborn child – not only because abortion is illegal in Zimbabwe but because l believe children are special gifts from God. And certainly that is not a decision you can take when you have not even told your husband about the baby yet.
Birth control pills are known not to be 100% reliable in preventing pregnancy. So it is not your fault that you fell pregnant when you had not planned for it. I don’t know what your biggest fear in having the baby is but l guess you feel there will be pressure in taking care of the two young ones. Believe me, there are some families with children who are just 10 months apart and they are managing. And what about those with twins?
Live to cherish the blessing you have and look on the bright side of things always. There are couples who have been married for so many years and have not been able to conceive. Children are special gifts from God, never look at your unborn child as a mistake. – Aunty Lisa
Potty problems
Dear Aunty Lisa
I have been trying to teach my three-year-old son to use the toilet without any success in the past four weeks. I have done a little beating thinking he will know that messing his pants is not allowed. He talks and says when he wants everything except going to the toilet. My sister’s daughter started using the toilet on her own when she was two and a half years old. I am worried about my little boy. How do I train him? – Mai Tadiwa
Dear Mai Tadiwa
Don’t stress too much about this, potty training is different with every kid. It is very important that you do not put pressure on your son or compare him with your sister’s daughter. That will only make things worse. Take it one step at a time or else you will confuse him. You need to have a lot of patience with him. Being able to say he is hungry every day does not automatically mean he should be able to say everything.
Know his timetable, if he normally responds to the call of nature just after eating then you know when to get him on the potty. You need to help him to understand the urges of his little body – and beating is not really helpful for this. As much as it is funny, it will work much better and encourage him if you do a bit of cheering when he shows progress. He is learning a new culture and it is important that you reward him for understanding. Good luck. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle