Dealing with illness

I am a married woman with one kid. Our three-year-old son recently got sick and I was so disappointed with how my husband reacted. It was a time his son and I needed him the most but I felt he let us down. He behaved strangely and distanced himself. Normally my husband is very supportive and very loving to his son. He would do anything for our kid, at least that is what I thought. But each time I asked him to spend more time at the hospital, as parents did not have limited times, he told me he could not stand the hospital. I don’t understand it and ask myself if this means he only loves his family when we are healthy? – Mai Munya

Dear Mai Munya

Unfortunately, it is the case that some people, especially men, cannot deal with illness and hospitals – especially when someone they love is involved. Men have a basic instinct to try to fix whatever goes wrong – so when faced with something they cannot do anything to fix, they feel helpless and can react in strange ways. Your husband is not alone in this. You need to be loving and understanding and not judge him too harshly. His behaviour does not mean he does not love you and your son.

There are a lot of things that are capable of causing severe psychological damage in people. Believe me I am talking from experience. Just the sight of seeing men and women crying due to the loss of a loved one is disheartening. Seeing people in pain can sap the power out of one. A busy undertaker moving up and down different wards to remove dead bodies can send tremors of shock down one’s body.

This gloomy atmosphere may have the same effect on all of us, but the way we react is different. Some courageous people like you find the inner strength to stand by our loved ones and not let the hospital environment pull them down. You need to understand that your husband is one of those people who are badly affected by that environment. Use this experience to get to know your husband better. He is a supportive and loving father to his son from what you said. Try to talk to him gently about it. He needs your encouragement for him to be able to fight this and be able to be strong for your son. Stay strong for your family! – Aunty Lisa