Dear Auntie Lisa
I am a lady in her late 20s. I really want to get married, but cannot seem to find Mr. Right. I’m getting tired of dating men who do not want to commit and I feel like time is running out for me. How do I know that the person is Mr. Right and should I settle for less because of the pressure? – Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth
It’s common for a person to feel that they have to get married because of peer pressure and family expectations. It can also be stressful to be at a stage in your life where you feel ready to commit yourself, but do not have a partner who shares that sentiment with you.
It’s more important to know yourself as an individual and what you really want out of your “Mr. Right” than to settle for second best. Consider your needs, priorities and what you require from a relationship. Priorities differ from person to person. Be realistic when you look for a partner – you should consider the possibility of him not meeting all the requirements. Not everyone looks like that celebrity you have a crush on! What you should also consider is that you are not perfect either. There are certain things that we require in our partners – including finding someone who we can express ourselves freely with. Communicating one’s expectations in a relationship is important so that the other person knows what you are looking for.
It is worth waiting for your Mr. Right rather than settling for Mr. Right Now. I wish you all the best with finding Mr. Right. – Auntie Lisa
Is she in denial?
Hie Auntie Lisa
I am aware that people should not be forced to disclose their HIV status, but I have a close friend who is showing signs that she is infected. I think that she is still in denial of her status and has opted to keep it a secret. I know it’s unfair to assume she is positive, but her ex-boyfriend recently died from an HIV-related illness. I do not necessarily want her to disclose her status to me, but I want to be sure she has been tested and is getting necessary treatment. What can I do to help, without driving her away? – Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned Friend
Thank you for showing concern about your friend’s well being. You may not want to hear this, but no one can make decisions on behalf of the infected person, which often makes it difficult for people who want to offer a helping hand. Having said that, if your friend can’t trust you with her pain or challenges, what kind of a friend does that make you? You are right; one cannot assume a person’s HIV status by just looking at them. And how did you end up digging into her ex-boyfriend’s cause of death? Making these kinds of assumptions will definitely drive her away. Maybe you could suggest that you both go for testing together? Or start a conversation around the subject of living positively. Above all continue being a good friend in every way possible – show her that you really care for her and have no hidden motives in the relationship. – Auntie Lisa
For better or worse
Dear Auntie Lisa
My girlfriend of three years, with whom I have made all the arrangements to marry, including paying roora (bride price), was involved in a car accident three months ago. She broke her spinal cord and now uses a wheelchair. I love her so much, but my friends and family are discouraging me from marrying her. We had not set a date for the wedding yet. What must I do? – Confused
Dear Confused
This is only one aspect of the reality of what marriage means. When you marry, there are vows you speak before the Lord, one of which is ‘for better or for worse’. Human beings are not commodities with expiry dates; marriage is about true commitment to the partner of your choice. You have paid your bride price, so many would say she is already your wife – and you say you love her so much. Marry your love; do not live the rest of your life with guilt because you were too concerned with the opinions of others to follow your heart. I would also encourage you and your family to go for counseling to help you deal with one another’s fears and concerns. They are your family and they will play an important role in your marriage, but don’t let them make you feel insecure. – Auntie Lisa
Too young to date?
Dear Auntie Lisa
I’m a 13 year-old girl. In March this year, I went on a camp with some other seventh graders, as well as kids from another school. I met a boy who I liked a lot. My friend got his number for me and we stayed in contact when camp was over. The problem is I promised myself I would not ‘like’ (or date) a boy until I’m 16 or older. By liking him I feel that I have betrayed myself and it doesn’t feel right. I am very confused because I still like him. Is there a specific age for girls to start dating and should I forget about this? – Totally Confused
Dear Totally Confused
Being in love (or ’liking’ someone) for the first time can indeed be a little confusing. Truth is you can’t choose when you are going to fall in love – it just happens. Even though you thought you would avoid this until you were older, it took you by surprise and now you feel like an animal in a cage. The best advice I can give you is to just go with the flow. Enjoy the feeling of ‘liking’ someone and maybe get to know this boy a bit better. You never know what could happen – you might find out that he is not your type! Whatever happens, enjoy it while it lasts! – Auntie Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle