Dear Aunty Lisa
My boyfriend and I have been dating for one year now. He is Ndebele and I am Shona. He speaks Shona fluently but I don’t understand a word in his language.
It pisses him off that I don’t show any interest in learning his language. I find it so difficult because of lots of clicking sounds and it just puts me off whenever I try. Why should language be a barrier to our love? Do you think he is fussing over nothing? – Chipo
Dear Chipo
You need to realise how important it is to him and to your relationship that you try to learn his language. Going around asking people what they think about it will give you misleading advice. You need to do what will keep your relationship going. If your man can speak Shona fluently then it makes perfect sense for him to expect you to know how to speak his.
Of course you may have had different backgrounds and his may have been a perfect one to learn more languages than his alone, but he will be pleased and appreciate it a lot to realise that you are making an effort to learn Ndebele.
It is not just about making him happy or impressing him but it will also help you communicate with his relatives in future.
To answer your question, your man is not fussing over nothing. I believe he is only fussing because of your attitude towards the whole issue. It will take some hard work, but I am confident you can both get past this one without any fights or disagreements.
Learning another language is a most enriching experience – and doing it for love should provide you with sufficient motivation and commitment. – Aunty Lisa
Unwanted advances
Dear Aunty Lisa
I work as a maid for a two-year-married couple. They have been trying to have a baby for the past two years and I can feel a little tension between them already because they have not been able to conceive.
The challenge now is that the husband is making advances towards me. I don’t like the way he caresses my shoulder when talking to me.
At times he winks at me and smiles and I don’t want to cause any trouble like breaking their marriage. I don’t know whether I should tell his wife about this or keep quiet. I want to keep my job. Please advise me. – Precious
Dear Precious
You sound like a really principled young lady and I admire that about you. It is important that you tell your male boss that you do not like his advances towards you. Tell him how you respect him as your boss and what you expect your relationship to be like. Telling his wife without trying to make things clear with him first may be a blunder.
It will be tricky if his wife fails to believe you and accuses you of making things up – although you may have to try to talk to her if he will not listen to you.
Yes you love your job and I understand you would like to keep it. But you need to realise that if you are determined not to cause any problems in their marriage it may at some point demand that you part with your job.
Your boss may use your love for your job to get to you if you show that you will do anything to keep it. Just clear things with him and make him aware that you do not wish to be anything more than a housemaid to them. – Aunty Lisa
Wanted: Parental support
Dear Aunty Lisa
How can I get my parents to support me on playing rugby? They get to criticise that it is a dangerous game but they have never been at any of my matches to watch me play. I am very good at the sport, my coaches are proud of me and my teammates really like it when I am on form. Having my parents’ support will mean a lot to me because I believe it is a sport I can consider taking up as a profession. How can I win them on board? – Star Flyhalf
Dear Star Flyhalf
Yes you are right – you do need your parents’ support. It will do a great deal to boost your confidence and morale. They are the key people in building your career so their backing is important. Try to get your coaches or teachers to talk to them about how good you are at rugby. They can also explain how safe it is to play the sport, so that your parents do not worry about you getting hurt. Every sport has its challenges and is liable to injuries, but those are part of the lessons of life we learn from sport. We need to face our fears and challenges and see how we can overcome them.
Your parents need to be convinced to come and watch you play. They will surely be moved by your contribution to the team, which they should be proud of. You will be surprised that you may turn them into your biggest fans at the end of the day. Parents worry when their kids venture into fields they are unfamiliar with – but once they know how it goes and appreciate how good their children are, they will offer their full support. – Aunty Lisa
Starved by bullies
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a Form One student at a local boarding school. Since the beginning of this year my life at the school has been miserable. Senior students at the school have been taking advantage of me being a new student to the school and robbing me of my food. They make me feel like I owe them something for taking me as their friend in public. One of them is a prefect and he is always telling me that he has removed me from the list of those to be punished, even when I know I never did anything to break any rules. How can I make them back off? – Younger
Dear Younger
Bullying is common in most schools and the only way to put an end to it is by speaking up. Most bullies back down when they are challenged. You need to let your teachers know about what is going on and ask for their help. These senior students are taking advantage of your silence and making you feel like they are helping you. It is good that you can see beyond their plastic smiles. If they are to benefit from what your parents packed for you they should be asking politely for it rather than making you feel like you have a duty to share with them. Let your teachers or parents know about it and hopefully they can help you deal with these students without leaving room for possible future tensions. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle