Dear Aunty Lisa
I am stressed with how my maid behaves. I am 24-years-old and she is around 35. The first days when we employed her she was really nice and she would respect me and do everything I told her. These days she does work at her own time without even doing it properly. She enjoys joking with my husband. He is the only person she respects and listen to these days. I don’t like it when she seems to flirt with my husband. How do I deal with this, I don’t want my husband to think I don’t trust him? – Sandy
Dear Sandy
Your husband should not think that you don’t trust him. The person you don’t trust in all this is your maid and you are right not to trust her. Why does she want to respect and joke only with your husband and not you? Let’s suppose you may be someone who is always uptight and difficult to joke with. But for her to create a close relationship with your husband is morally wrong as it causes great tension in your marriage. You need to take control. Sit down with her, tell her your grievances and explain clearly where she needs to change. You may be younger than her, but you are her boss and she needs to accept that and behave accordingly. If she fails to change or if you are no longer comfortable with her you can always send her packing and look for someone you can trust. Your husband also needs to know how you feel about her “flirting” with him. Tell him how much you love him and how it hurts you to think that one day you may lose him to someone else. – Aunty Lisa
Can’t cook, won’t cook
Dear Aunty Lisa
My wife does not like cooking. I believed one of her roles as my wife would be to cook for me, but she won’t. She always asks the maid to prepare the meals for the family, something she knows I am totally against. She says her cooking is bad and it’s true. But I just don’t like the idea that l will be eating food prepared by a maid when I have a wife. When she cooks once in a blue moon, the food is just not appetizing. What can I do really? – Worried man
Dear Worried Man
It is clear that your wife gets the maid to cook for you because she acknowledges that she cooks better than her. But she needs to realize how much it means to you to have your meals prepared by her – perhaps you could take time to lovingly explain that to her? It is unfortunate that when she tries that “once in a blue moon” you don’t enjoy the food. Perhaps you could encourage her by trying to be positive when she does make an effort. You could also help by sending her for cooking lessons, or getting a relative whom she respects to give her some advice and help her to practise. Your love and guidance can turn her into the wife you desire. But be careful because constant criticism will just wear her down and destroy her spirit. – Aunty Lisa
Weird cravings
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am so addicted to eating salt mixed with sugar. It’s weird I know, it used to be my craving when I was pregnant with my two-month-old baby. But I can’t seem to stop. The more I try to let it go, the more I crave for it. Please help me with advice? – Mai Trish
Dear Mai Trish
A lot of women have crazy cravings during pregnancy and in many cases this does not magically disappear with giving birth. You need to give yourself time for your body to return to normal. Start by setting limits to the amount of the mixture you take. Reduce this steadily until eventually you stop. Abrupt ending of any craving is usually impossible. Being cruel to your craving will see it coming back at you stronger. If you used to eat two tablespoons a day, for example, you can start by decreasing it to one and half. After a few days you go for a tablespoon then teaspoon until you can do without it completely.
I also strongly advise you to see a health professional to be tested just to make sure your body is not lacking some vital nutrient. This is especially important if you are breast-feeding your baby. So much salt and sugar in your system may not be good for the little one. – Aunty Lisa
Under pressure
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a man aged 30 and my father-in-law has been asking me to join his church. He goes to a church which does a lot of dancing and singing. I have no problem with his church or with him, but it is just not my type. I have gone there twice after he had kept pressing me. I am someone very shy in dancing – it is just not my thing. Honestly I don’t enjoy it and I’m uncomfortable there. How can I say no to him? – Baba Tee
Dear Baba Tee
You just need to learn to say the word no when you want to. He is someone you are expected to respect so much, but being frank with him does not mean that you are disrespecting him. If he realizes that you have a weakness in saying no to him he will take advantage of that and make you his puppet. Sometimes people gain respect by telling the truth and being frank with people. You need to stand up to him and speak your mind in a respectful manner. I am sure your father-in-law will understand. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle