Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a man aged 35 and I recently remarried after divorcing my first wife. My wife and I have been trying to have a baby but without any success so far. Frustrations have been mounting and we have both been pointing fingers at each other. The problem is I have my own kid from my previous marriage and she has a daughter as well, which is evidence that we are both not barren. But who is to blame on this one? – Jojo
Dear Jojo
Who to blame should not be your focus right now. The evidence you mention should be a relief not a barrier to finding the ‘wrongdoer’. You need to support each other and stop putting pressure on yourselves to conceive as it disturbs your hormones. You say you have ‘recently’ remarried and that to me suggests it was not long ago enough to start worrying about why your wife is not yet pregnant. You need to take it easy and let nature take its course. – Aunty Lisa
Instant weight loss?
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a 33-year-old woman and my weight is 95kgs. I am worried about it and I hate being fat. There was news about Prophet Makandiwa helping people to lose weight instantly. It is said one can actually see her own weight going down while on a scale. Can I go for it? – Miss Biggy
Dear Miss Biggy
I don’t know about Prophet Makandiwa’s instant weight loss issues, but what I can tell you for sure is that the world is full of clever marketing and false promises about easy weight loss. The truth of the matter is that only regular exercise and persistent calorie control work when it comes to permanent weight loss. A change of lifestyle is what is needed and is the only thing that works in the long run.
You need to burn some calories and you need to sweat for it. You need to feel the change inside your body and people have to see it from the outside. There is no point in you weighing 65kgs on a scale when you feel you are 95kgs.
You are a young woman and I believe you still have the energy to exercise. Get a nutritionist to help you with a healthy diet that goes with your exercise programme and you will be happy with what you can achieve if you commit yourself to it. Good Luck. – Aunty Lisa
Jealousy problems
Dear Aunty Lisa
My eldest daughter is 12 months now and I just had a new baby boy. I love my kids so much but the going is getting a bit tough for me. I expect my daughter to understand that there is a new baby in the house. Instead what is happening is frustrating, she is even whining more and feeling jealous of her little brother. She hates it when I have him on my lap and she wants to be there herself. How can I train her to behave like a big sister she now is? – ‘Twin’ Mum
Dear ‘Twin’ Mum
You remind me of my own experience. My son is 14 months now and my daughter is three months. It is perfectly normal for the older child to feel jealous, she is just being human. The problem is you are expecting too much from her while she is trying to deal with the fact that her territory has been invaded. Some kids even suffer stress because of this.
It is not she who needs to understand – but you to understand her more. Do not cut her childhood short and expect her to behave like a grown up just because she has a new sibling. Yes it will be a bit tough dealing with them both because it really is like you have twins. But you need to take care of every situation well without depriving your first child.
Let me remind you that she is still a baby and needs to be loved and treated like one otherwise you will confuse her. Don’t expect her to understand the situation. Take time with her and accommodate her whining. Carry her on your lap and try not to have the new baby taking over her stuff already. She still needs her cotbed, toys, blankets etc. She needs to be taught to love her sibling. Sometimes most parents make the blunder of shouting at such young kids when they go close to the babies, for fear of them hurting the newborns. The message they will only be sending is that, “please don’t disturb my sweetheart.” She needs to know that she is your sweetheart too. Let her hold the baby, kiss or touch him with your supervision of course. It is also perfect for bonding.
Most important of all, take time with your daughter and let her to see that you still love her and you still have time for her. – Aunty Lisa
Am I cursed?
Dear Aunty Lisa
My boyfriend of nine months passed away last week and I am struggling to find the meaning of that. He is the only man who treated me with respect, loved and cared for me in the past. I have been left with my heart broken so many times and I was convinced I had found my Mr Right, now he is gone. Am I cursed? – Diana
Dear Diana
I don’t want to believe in curses because sometimes if you do, that is all you will see in your life – Oh I just tripped I’m cursed, Oh my boss just shouted at me I’m cursed, Oh I just caught a cold I’m cursed. You do not want that in your life.
I am sorry about your loss, but do not live your life mourning his death but rather celebrate his life as your hero. Pray for him to find eternal peace in heaven for he sounds like one man who deserves to be there. I believe you are blessed to have met him, God wanted him to meet you before He took him away so that he makes you believe in love and stay hopeful.
Don’t take being heartbroken as a terrible thing, sometimes it prepares us well for the good love coming. You will see and identify perfectly your Mr Right when he comes. Know that you are so blessed to have met your late boyfriend and that he was evidence that there are loving and caring men out there. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle