Dear Aunty Lisa
It is soon my wife’s birthday and she is someone who loves saving money so much. She would choose to buy our kids some clothes and starve herself. She has a big heart, she always does good things for other people at her own expense. I want to spoil her but I have a feeling she will not want me to take her out for dinner at a local hotel saying it is expensive, she would start considering how we could buy our son or daughter something. I am now caught in between what to do for her on her special day, please assist. – B.T
Dear B.T
I doubt if there is a woman in this world who does not like being spoiled. It’s just unfortunate if you are not as financially stable as she would wish and that she is the kind of woman who does not want to spend money on herself. She is so lucky to have a husband like you who wants to spoil her.
As it is her special day, the idea is to do something that makes HER happy. If you know she will be uncomfortable going out to dinner there’s no point in doing that. So why not take her shopping to buy something special for the kids – but make sure she knows that this is your gift to her. Perhaps you could go for coffee and cake somewhere during the shopping expedition – that will still make her feel special and be a good together-time for the two of you, but will not cost as much as a fancy dinner at a hotel. – Aunty Lisa
21st Century woman
Dear Aunty Lisa
My husband is a nagging man. He needs me to kneel down for him when I am giving food or when I am giving him some water to wash his hands. He wants me to thank him using his totem each time he does something for me. We are in the 21st century for crying out loud. I told him I will not jump to such demands, he wants to make me a woman of the sixties. How can I make him understand that it is just not in me to do that? – Mai T
Dear Mai T
A man needs to feel respected and admired. If that is what you have to do for him to feel that what do you have to lose? You will realise that you will unlock more love in him and you will get to enjoy your marriage more. It is those small simple things that women don’t get in marriage. Waking up to make him a cup of tea and admiring his masculine virtues in managing to take care of you will make him feel so loved, admired and respected that he will strive to make you happy. You lose a lot of favours and love he is bound to give you by resisting the things he tells you.
You are even lucky to have a man who tells you exactly what makes him happy and all you have to do is implement. I will not lie to you and say the 21st century woman does not respect a man, that respecting a man means there is no equality. You should do what makes your man happy. Some men will feel they are being unfair to their wives to ask them to kneel down for them but those men are not your husband. Do what works for your marriage. Did you not know this about him before you married him? – Aunty Lisa
Harassed at work
Dear Aunty Lisa
My supervisor at work is always giving me comments that I do not like. He talks of my body structure and expresses his desires to hold me and promises that one day he will do it saying, “ndichakabata” (I will get her). I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t like it because I fear to lose my job. I took long to get a job and I don’t want to blow it. Please help, what should l do? – Pee
Dear Pee
You are better off without a job than being sexually harassed my dear. That is sexual harassment and you do not have to wait until it gets serious. Your supervisor is taking advantage of you, he knows you will do anything to hang on to your job and he wants to use that to get anything he wants from you. Please don’t let him have such power over you.
You need to show and tell him that you do not like his comments and his intentions of wanting to touch you against your desire. Have control of your life and never give anyone charge over your future just because of something he can give you today. If he cannot understand that you do not like it, please talk to someone senior at your workplace and explain what your supervisor says to you. I am sure no company in this day and age will ever encourage sexual harassment of any kind. – Aunty Lisa
Wannabe Supermom
Dear Aunty Lisa
I am a single mother of two girls aged four and two. I work hard for them and want to provide them with the many things I didn’t get growing up. My job is flexible so I manage to take care of them. But sometimes I don’t manage to do some things; I get so forgetful and end up with a backlog of house work. What can I do to be a ‘supermom’? – Mai Kelly
Dear Mai Kelly
It is every mother’s dream to give their kids a life that they desire for them. But try not to set unrealistic standards for yourself as a mother. Psychiatrists around the world have proved that love and time are the most important things to give kids. I believe you are giving them enough love already. We can never be super mothers. It means our lives have to stop running properly and everything should start revolving around being a mother.
If you accept that you are a woman who is a human first before being a mother you will start appreciating what you are doing already for your kids. Just to help yourself avoid forgetting, I think it works better if you write a to-do-list for the following day before you go to bed every evening. You put it beside your bed and it is the first thing you browse when you wake up. You will know exactly what you need to do and when. Being more organised will help remove your feelings of frustration. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle