Matters of heart

Dear Aunty Lisa

I just did something very bad and its haunting me. I love my girlfriend so much and we have been together for almost a year. I have been unfaithful to her and I feel so stupid around her asking myself whether I should tell her or not. Five days ago I got very drunk at a party and slept with another girl whose name I don’t even remember. It was a mistake and I know I was so stupid, I love my girlfriend and I don’t want to lose her, telling her will hurt her so bad and I know she will end our relationship. Keeping quiet is another thing, it’s eating me up and I’m afraid she may find out somehow –what if that girl becomes pregnant. I just need to let it out and hope she forgives me, but each time I want to tell her I get so confused. Please what should I do to keep her? – Casanova

Dear Casanova

It’s true you made a big mistake and the bottom line is that your girlfriend deserves to know no matter what the circumstances may be. It was so foolish of you to sleep with a stranger, especially without protection. The price of infidelity can be deadly these days, you could contract HIV or worse – infect your innocent girlfriend.

Calm down, get your mind settled and sit down with your girlfriend and confess what happened. Obviously she will be so disappointed, she may be so angry with you and end the relationship, but you can always pray that she appreciates your honesty and forgives you.

While confessing, tell her how bad you feel about it –not that it will lessen how ugly your story is but at least it should not look like you are disrespecting her feelings. You need to tell her that you are confessing because you want to be honest with her, you love her and you will never want it to happen again. While she is angry about it she may declare that she may never want to see you again.

But give her some space. Give her some time to recover from the shock of what you did if you wish to try and make things right. While there is no guarantee that she will forgive you and thank you for being honest, you need to control your drinking habits. Since you know you act out of your senses when you get drunk, why can’t you just stay away from alcohol? If you can’t avoid it you can at least drink at home – away from any temptations – then you can drink or swim in it if you like. – Aunty Lisa

She won’t speak

Dear Aunty Lisa

My daughter is almost two years now but she does not speak a word. Her mother is South African and recently she came to Zimbabwe to live with me for a while. Most of the time she stares at anyone talking to her as if she is retarded. I don’t understand why she does not talk when her mother had indicated that she was starting to talk. What do you think is wrong with her? – Concerned Father

Dear Concerned Father

You have indicated that your daughter had learnt some words while in South Africa, which shows that she is pretty normal. She is not retarded – she just needs some time to adjust to a new environment and culture. Her mother’s family speak a different language from yours I believe. She is still in a state of confusion about what language you are speaking. She stares at people talking to her because she is trying very hard to understand what they are saying to her.

With time, she will adjust. Give her time to absorb and learn the language, you will be surprised how she will suddenly start talking. You need to be patient with her and avoid raising your voices to her; as it will only add to her confusion. She needs to learn slowly. If pressured she will develop a speech problem and grow into someone impatient and short-tempered who thinks you take advantage of her because of her limited knowledge of the language. Give her lots of “body language” love by hugging her often and smiling at her. Also be careful of the tone of your voice as this is very important. – Aunty Lisa

Shattered dream

Dear Aunty Lisa

My dream is to become a world-class model. I am beautiful, tall and intelligent. I have all it takes to win the Miss World beauty contest. Right now I am 16. I was recently crowned my school’s top model and joined a modelling agency in Harare. The other girls there are making my life miserable by disrespecting me. Most of the time, they criticise me and highlight every wrong thing I do. I no longer think my dream is possible. Those ladies have been with the agency before me and they have a lot of experience. One of them once asked me what made me chose modelling because she said I did not look or walk like a model. What else should I try? – Nancy

Dear Nancy

Never quit following your dreams because other people choose not to believe in you. These ladies are on a mission to pull you down because they see how much of a threat you are to their comfort zone. They are people whose inferiority complex haunts them so that they poke every superior being around them so they sink together in the mud and stay comfortable with their laziness to work hard because everyone is in the same boat.

The potential in you frightens them. With a bit of confidence you can resist being pulled down, you are going to light up a fire in the modelling industry that will torture them. It is time to prove to them and everyone who does not believe in you that Nancy is the world’s next top model. Confidently tell them to remember you, because you are going to be a star. But first you have to know it before you can achieve it. You can be whatever you want to be. Keep shining. – Aunty Lisa