Matters of the heart

Gossips destroyed us

Dear Aunty Lisa

I was in love with a man in Zimbabwe and we used to have fun together. I have always had a problem with him listening to gossips, which have caused the downfall of our relationship. I gave up on him and now I’m with another man to whom I told everything about my past. I’m now working in South Africa and my old boyfriend in Zim is going around telling friends that he still loves me. I’m now caught in between. The man I’m with right now is so loving. I don’t know what to do. Please help? – Anonymous in S.A

Dear Anonymous

I don’t really see what is there to be confused about. It is important that you are in a relationship with a man you love, who loves you back. It appears your real problem is that you only gave up on the idea that your ex-boyfriend listened to gossips but your heart is still in love with him. You decided to move on when you are still attached to this man and that is the reason why you are confused on whether you should dump your current boyfriend and go back to him. When moving on, your mind need not rush to conclude that it’s all over without consulting your heart. As much as being loved feels so fantastic, you need to start a relationship following your own heart. Who you love is always important. You need not love someone because you feel pity for him, being Mother Theresa with your heart when it comes to love does not work. There is no formula to love, the answer lies deep in your heart. Ask yourself who you love and follow your heart. – Aunty Lisa

I’m too skinny

Dear Aunty Lisa

My problem is that I feel I’m too skinny and I don’t like the way I look. I don’t admire being fat but it is better if at least I can be somewhere in between. I’m still in school and bullies are beginning to call me names like ‘scarecrow’. I don’t like it and I am beginning to hate myself. What can I do? – Skinny Dee

Dear Skinny Dee

Stop hating yourself dear. God never said the ideal human being is fat, skinny or “in between.” We are all perfect in his eyes. We have a choice of changing our body shapes and I don’t want you to change for anyone except yourself. You can start some exercises and adopt a different diet in order to gain weight. People visit the gym and watch their diet to lose weight and yes, they can do the same to gain weight too. Visit a nutritionist who will help you understand the type of foods you will need to start including in your diet while doing some exercises to see that when you gain that weight you don’t just balloon but have a nice structure you will love. Do not worry about these bullies at your school. Our definition of beauty differs with each person, so why should they think their thoughts should stimulate the public’s opinion? – Aunty Lisa

Living a lie

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am a 26-year-old woman who is head over heels in love with my childhood lover. We have always called each other boyfriend and girlfriend since we were young. Although we both seemed to say that jokingly I meant everything deep inside. I have always wished that it comes true one day and I am sure he thought the same.

I desperately want to tell him my feelings but I hold back out of fear of rejection. I am not sure if he still feels strongly about me as I do about him. We have never expressed our love but I feel his actions show otherwise.

He is married now but he is not happy in the marriage because it is more like a living arrangement. We have a good history together and most of the times when I visit him he seems to regret being married to his current wife. I don’t want to live a lie and I know he doesn’t either. Should I just tell him how I feel and save him the torture of living with a woman he does not feel anything for? – Lonely Pee

Dear Lonely Pee

I think your major problem here is that you are a lonely someone who is slowly becoming desperate for a lover. You may have been childhood lovers with this ‘boy next door’ but you are not kids anymore and neither are you lovers. If you were still lovers this guy would be with you now and not his current wife. Save yourself the tag of a home breaker and back off from their marriage; if ever it breaks in future let it not be because of you. It seems everything you are saying is imaginative; from thinking that the man involved also secretly wished the childhood ‘boyfriend/ girlfriend joke’ was true to assuming his actions show that he loves you to thinking that he is regretting marrying his wife. You need to face reality here, the man you love is married now and you need to move on.

If he loves or loved you he was going to tell you. Assuming things will not help you. It is not easy to let go but you will need to stop visiting him as your first step. If ever he feels it’s you he needs to be with then let it be his decision. Do not confuse him, but let him make his own decisions whether to make things work in his marriage or divorce. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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