Matters of heart

Working too hard

Dear Aunty Lisa

I’m 24 years old and I have been employed on a part time basis hoping that I can impress my employer into signing a permanent contract. I don’t know if I am making the wrong assumption but it seems most of the senior guys take advantage of my being around and being desperate to impress, and dump all their workload on me. I have worked so hard for the past two months, I have had no social life and I don’t know if this is healthy for me with three more months to go. I feel like I am being used at times. What do I do? – Miss Dee

Dear Dee

Welcome to the real world Miss Dee. If you are not born great then you just have to work hard to achieve greatness. You are experiencing the classic intern abuse. People do take advantage of interns the world over. But learn to embrace that “unfair” treatment and take advantage of it to gain the experience that you need. It is a good test of your character and ability to work under pressure. During this period, try to grab any opportunity to impress your bosses. Once you are permanent and more experienced you can start seeking common ground to air your concerns.

I always say communication is important, so you may approach your bosses and complain about how they are overloading you with work. But you run the risk of being seen to be complaining that you cannot take this job. With the employment rate so low in Zimbabwe, everyone is just waiting for an opportunity such as yours and prepared to work their heart out to impress for a more secure and permanent post. Do not waste that opportunity. Social life can always come later.

A good job is what you need right now and the opportunity may not come again soon if you blow this one. So long what you are doing is part of your job, be happy to do it. I just hate a situation where they will be tossing you around to buy them lunch, make them tea and send you with packages to their own relatives somewhere around. Just stay clear and focused on what your job entitles you to do and anything other than that should be appreciated as a favour. – Aunty Lisa

Small-house shock

Dear Aunty Lisa

I have recently married my long-time boyfriend. He is 35 and I am 25. We dated for two years but most of the time he was in the United Kingdom studying and we would meet for a month or two during his holidays. After being married for three months, I am five months pregnant and I have just discovered the shocking news that my husband is not only married to me. He has been married for seven years to someone else.

I feel like a fool being made a “small house” like this. He told me about his first wife himself and explained that his late father was a polygamist and “it’s natural that I take after him.” I feel so used and all my friends have accused me for not having an idea about this before I married him. I don’t want to stand accused of being a home-breaker. What can I do? – Trinity

Dear Trinity

Are you a home-breaker? You need to ask that question to yourself and answer it truthfully. If you feel the answer is No, then why should you worry about what your friends tell you? If you genuinely did not know about his first marriage and you were shocked to learn about it, you need not blame yourself for anything.

It is good that your husband told you about the situation himself. But the timing of all this truth was really bad. He should have told you about it before you tied the knot so that you make an informed decision. He was insecure and felt you would leave him then, which is not good.

You have the right to stay in the relationship if you are willing to make it work. You and the first wife need to know that this is the situation. Your husband needs to tell his other wife about you so that everyone legitimises the marriages. You are not a fool for falling in love, if anyone should be called that then it is your husband for holding this information only to him until this time. Keep smiling for that little baby you are carrying and follow what your heart tells you deep inside. – Aunty Lisa

I took your advice

.. and he’s gone

Dear Aunty Lisa

I have been following your column since January this year when I moved back to Zim from Namibia. I emailed you some time ago about my boyfriend who was giving me pressure to sleep with him as a way of proving my love. You advised that I be frank with him that I am not ready. I did that and the next thing my boyfriend impregnated and eloped with a good friend of mine. I lost that man I love. I am beginning to regret following your advice. I could have been married now. Do you personally think I did the right thing in denying him sex but lose him? – Lonely

Dear Lonely

You did not only lose the man you loved – you lost the man who did not love you. If you get that, you will know you did the right thing. I would advise you the same thing if you were to meet such a boyfriend again anytime soon. Do not be compromised to do things you do not feel right about just because you want to impress someone. Do not be desperate to get married. When the right time comes everything will turn out best for you. When it doesn’t, just know that it is not the Right Time. This guy was not for you. Eloping is not for you I may say. If he went for your friend, she may be the one he has always wanted, that is good riddance for you. Marriage is not something anyone should rush in just because of a fear of insecurity and missing what others consider a lifetime opportunity. Marriage should come at a time when you feel you are ready for it and not because one is afraid what the future will look like if he/she is to let that offer pass. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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