Matters of heart

Desperate to lose weight

Dear Aunty Lisa

I’m a 23-year-old woman who weighs 91kgs. I’m just tired of people calling me names because of how big I am. Is it possible for me to lose weight without using those pills they advertise? I’m afraid using them because they may cause side effects I will not like. Please help me on how I can reduce my weight to my dream 65kg. Do you believe it is possible? And please don’t tell me of the gym because I cannot afford it financially. – Big Sally

Dear Big Sally

To answer your question in the words of America’s first black president, yes you can! Yes you can lose weight even without workouts in the gym, but it all depends on your attitude. Are you really up for it? Losing weight is simply a matter of burning more calories than you eat. But it takes patience, commitment, being able to push yourself during painful exercises and being rude to your taste buds in denying them juicy, sweet, fatty foods. It can be a frustrating process if you pressure yourself for instant results like those seen in infomercials after using weight loss pills or those weird fitness gadgets.

Indeed, some slimming pills have side effects – but worse than that, they do NOT deliver the results they promise. You need to take it one step at a time, and be patient, because if you expect results quickly you are easily going to give up. Change your lifestyle for less TV and more exercise built into your daily routine. Exercise is a very important weight loss tool, but it will not be easy as a beginner to start by jogging for 3km non-stop. Professionals recommend an exercise of 250 minutes per week – or 50minutes, five days a week. Give your body time to adapt by taking 30minute walks every day. Using the stairs and doing household chores energetically will even help burn more calories.

This is about real commitment to make healthy decisions every day, despite what is happening in your life. You must be willing to be more active on a daily basis rather than a here-and-there commitment. But it is not about killing yourself with workouts; it is a combination of exercise and what you eat. You will need to cut out some of your favourite foods with a lot of fat, and carbohydrates with sugar and white flour.

You need to be willing to replace unhealthy foods with healthier choices everyday even if it means spending more time in the grocery store reading food labels. You will need to be able to say no to extra portions and drink a lot of water. Good Luck! – Aunty Lisa

His mum hates me

Dear Aunty Lisa

I’m 23 and married. My husband and I love each other so much but his mother doesn’t seem to like me. I have tried to be nice to her always but she won’t appreciate anything I do. She is beginning to piss me off with the bad things she says about me behind my back.

I don’t want to hate her but I’m afraid she is pushing me to the edge. How best can I tell her that what she is doing hurts my feelings and I don’t like it? – Mai Tadiwa

Dear Mai Tadiwa

Well, if it is clear that she hardly appreciates what you do for her I’m sure it will not be a crime for you to point it out to your husband. But if all that is intentional, then there is certainly no need to tell her that it hurts your feelings because she knows and that is what she wants to hear.

But either way I don’t think you should care too much about what she says or thinks. You need to realize the fact that your husband loves and appreciates you. I’m however not saying when a woman gets married she needs not respect his husband’s parents and family. But respect is two-way – both sides need to appreciate each other.

I believe a woman’s role in marriage is to love her husband, take care of him and be his partner in all his concerns. Of course she is bound to support her in-laws whenever necessary, which is one of the things that will get his man to admire her and love her more.

But when your in-laws feel there is nothing you can help them with -and if there isn’t- then all you can do is take a back seat. Give them the respect they deserve as the parents who raised you a loving husband and avoid hating them like you indicated. You mother-in-law will realise one day that you are a good person by not trying to revenge all the nasty things she says to you. You will not like it if she convinces your husband that you hate her, it will turn ugly when it breaks your husband’s heart and I know you don’t want that.

Just enjoy your marriage, enjoy the love your husband is giving you and continue to be nice, just care less about whether you get a thank-you or not. Give it time, she will come to a point where she will get tired of ignoring the good things you do and start appreciating you as a loving daughter-in-law.- Aunty Lisa

Am I a home breaker?

Dear Aunty Lisa

I’m a girl aged 21; I have been dating this guy for two months now. We have been close; he is all that I dream of in a man. We click in everything, a match made in heaven. But just last week I discovered that he is married. It broke my heart so much and I confronted him, but he apologized and explained everything to me. He told me that he is having problems with his wife and they are currently separated. I know I can make him happy. My friends sometimes tease me that I’m being a home-breaker. But I was not the reason behind their separation. I want to continue with my relationship because he is promising to marry me. Do you really think I’m a home breaker? I can’t tell my heart to stop loving him. – Chelsea

Dear Chelsea

I would not say you qualify for the title home breaker, because as you rightly point out, you were not the reason why your man and his wife separated. But your friends may be justified in calling you that since you are knowingly being a barrier to him and his wife working things out and getting back together.

When two people are separated they are not divorced my dear. People go on separation for various reasons -one of them being a desire to give each other space to reflect on their differences and how best they can iron them out. Your man may say he is done with his wife but by dating you he is denying himself the time to think about the best way to fix his marriage. And I’m afraid he may realise he is still in love with his wife by the time he would have married you – if it happens that he does.

Every marriage has its own problems, but couples eventually solve them and they get back into each other’s arms again like they never had a fight. Do not be so sure that this man is done with his wife. I don’t advise that you continue dating him. As far as I’m concerned, he is still a married man and your friends may be forgiven for calling you a home breaker. Give the man his space. – Aunty Lisa

Post published in: Lifestyle

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